Happy birthday to me. :S
We pushed my birthday BBQ back to Sunday, the 3
rd, because Hurricane Ernesto was coming up the coast. It's hard to get those coals lit when the grill is floating down the street.
I wake up around 9 this morning to the smell of eggs and grits. Yay. My mother is making breakfast. I saunter into the kitchen, only to see one damn plate of food, being scurried away and eaten. All I see is an empty stove and the only thing my mother has to say to me is, "Watch the burners, they're hot"
DAMN :| WTF!?!
Here it is, my birthday, and I can't even get a birthday breakfast. That's some cold shit.
So I lay down on the couch and just watch her eat her breakfast and sip her coffeee. The next thing she says to me is, "You have chores to do."
I am Jack's enraged sphincter.After about another five minutes, she takes a breath from scarfing down eggs & grits long enough to wonder why I'm not eating any breakfast, and blythely states, "There's plenty of cereal in there."
I am Jack's twitching eye.HELLO!?!?!!? WTF!!?!
So finally after about a half-hour, I casually mention that IT'S MY FRIKKIN' BIRTHDAY!!! Folks, if you could have seen the look on her face as she realized that she forgot it was my birthday...it was PRICELESS!
You know,
senile dementia must be fun. We both had a good laugh at how she forgot it was my birthday in the time it took her to walk from the top of the stairs to the bottom step (which nowadays is considerable) and how she just gagged me out of breakfast.
So how did I get gagged twice, you ask?
Shortly thereafter, I leave to start running errands for the BBQ tomorrow. She left relatively the same time to run her own errands. I had to run to the liquor store and the beer distributor. I stopped at McDonald's (for obvious reasons) to get a breakfsat sandwich. I didn't feel like eating it in the car, so I brought it home to eat when I was through with my runs.
She gets back from the grocery store before I have a chance to eat my sandwich, which means I have to sprint up from
whatever I may be doing, and unload and put away the groceries and supplies.
I put away all the shit while she sits in the bigass lounge chair and recuperates. Because, you know, grocery shopping is such tiring work. Now that I've put the shit away, do I have a chance to sit down and have some breakfast.
Don't forget. It's still my birthday. I'm ready to eat my sandwich and I hear, "Oh, I'm so starving. Can I have whatever that is?"
I am Jack's burst ocular blood vessel.SUNNUVABITCH!!!!!!
I'm not actually mad because it's so funny, but that's some effed up stuff, man.Labels: Rants