My Bar Tab is $525.50

This is fun to do. It was just passed around MySpace. Just read the "offense" and if you've done it, you owe that fine. Keep going until you've read each "offense" and added up your total fine. Title your bulletin "My Bar Tab is $........" You don't have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine.

Smoked pot -- $10
Fo' shizzle, my nizzle. The stickiest of the icky, baby.

Did acid -- $5
Only once in Valley Forge Park. I swear I thought that bear was talking to me. He had some profound shit to say.

Ever had sex at church -- $25
Um, No. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Go directly to hell.

Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you -- $40
One day I'll tell you about the time I woke up in Voorhies, NJ.

Had sex with someone on My Space -- $25
Have never gotten the MySpace lay.

Had sex for money -- $100
Sadly I'm not a whore. Oh, who am I kidding? If you've got the money, honey...

Ever had sex with the a Puerto Rican -- $20
She was half Puerto Rican. Does that count? Do I only add $10?

Vandalized something -- $20
You know how it says 'AEON' on that overpass on 202 N around Devon? Yet, despite what people think, I was NOT the one tagging BPT all over town and I did NOT spray paint "Kiss my Black Ass!" on the side of the High School building.

Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10
Ewww! No.

Beat up someone -- $20
Stomped the ever-lovin monkey shit out of someone.

Been jumped -- $10
Been jumped for so many reasons. Mistaken identity, random drunken beating...

Crossed dressed -- $10
Hey, it was powder puff football. Everybody did it. The football team, the cheerleaders, and the marching band. ;-)

Given money to stripper -- $25
Everything I had and more. Damn you.

Been in love with a stripper -- $20
Yeah. What was I thinking?

Kissed some one who's name you didn't know --$10
Yeah that's happened. ...And what's your name?

Hit on someone of the same sex while at work-- $15
Sorry, don't swing that way. Whether it's at work or not.

Ever drive drunk -- $20
Not too drunk. Sure after I've had a few, I've noticed my judgement's impaired. I'm a little more careful. Never pissy drunk, though.

Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50
Used to do that every Friday. Still would If I still worked there.

Used toys while having sex -- $30
No ass clowns, please.

Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- $20
I refer back to the Voorhies, NJ story.

Went skinny dipping -- $5
Nah, no pools (at the time)

Had sex in a pool -- $20
Splish splash, baby. ;-)

Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10
Alright once, but only to mess with his mind. Yecch!

Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20
HEEEELLLLLLLs NO!

Cheated on your significant other -- $10
I never cheat.

Masturbated -- $10
Come on. I'm masturbating right now.

Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend --$20
Again, I've never cheated.

Done oral -- $5
I eat pussy with chopsticks.

Got oral -- $5
Hells yes.

Done / got oral in a car while it was moving -- $25
Wow. That would be hard to give oral in a moving car. Unless it wasn't the driver.

Stole something -- $10
I used to be a master thief. Only ever got caught a handful of times. And on the stupidest stuff, though. $150 fine for a bottle of Yoohoo.

Had sex with someone in jail -- $25
No man-bitch prison he-sex. I hear there's no cuddling after. Just a lot of tears.

Made a nasty home video -- $15
Never got freaky with a camera.

Had a threesome -- $50
In my youth.

Had sex in the wild -- $20
The wild? I guess Valley Forge Park counts. With the deer onlooking.

Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25
Sadly, yes.

Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars -- $20
Damn straight.

Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20
No Mrs. Robinsons in my past.

Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $25
No Woody Allen moments, either.

Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50
I'm pretty monagymous

Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25
Yes. See above (stripper). Also didn't say I loved someone when I did.

Went streaking -- $5
I don't think you're ready for this jelly.

Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15
Never exactly had that particular urge.

Been arrested -- $5
Yes, fuckers.

Spent time in jail -- $15
Yes. Jail is not prison. There IS a difference.

Peed in the pool -- $0.50
Welcome to our OOL. You'll notice that there is no 'P' in it. Please keep it that way.

Played spin the bottle -- $5
I remember the first time I played that. In the parking lot behing the Denny's in King of Prussia. I got to kiss Kelly Blaugh. Damn she was hot. Fuck I'm a good kisser. Made my millennium.

Done something you regret -- $20
Falling in love with a stripper.

Had sex with your best friend -- $20
An interesting quandary. I think your lover should be your best friend. So yes.

Had sex with someone you work with at work -- $25
Never dip my pen in the company ink. Thought about it. But never did it.

Had anal sex -- $80
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Lied to your mate -- $5
Only the standard little lies. You know. No, that dress doesn't make you look fat.

Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- $25
It's never bad! (That's not necessarily true)


O. K , now tally up your answers, then, click forward to send to the all of the people you want to take the test...... In the subject of you forward put your "My Bar Tab Is... (your total) Now send to all your friends and back to the person who sent it to you.

Labels: Blogging, Comedy, Games, Hot Bitches, MySpace, Strip clubs