Happy Birthday to me, bitches!

Well, as the song goes, I'm another year older and deeper in debt. Or something like that.

You may be wondering why it took me two weeks to write this blog entry, considering my birthday was on the 2nd. This entry was that important. I had to take my time summing up my life over the last year. I had to make sure that I recognized my own mistakes and accomplishments.

28 now and I'm looking back on the last year. I've had so many good times and so many bad. Not to get all maudlin on you, but it seems like sometimes I can't have pleasure without the pain. I've learned a lot in the last year. Allow me to share some of my lessons with you so that you don't make the same mistakes.

1. Under no circumstances should you go out with a stripper

God, my experience with Jade has been so painful. She wasn't really able to toy with my emotions because I knew what she was and therefore kept a certain emotional distance. But she really brought my game down.

I hate to make this broad a generalization because I want to believe there is a human side in everyone. Strippers simply don't have the mechanism that makes for a decent human being. The same thing that is missing in their brain that makes them jump on a pole is the same component that the rest of us have that lets us be contributing members of society.

Even though her MO was not to strip me clean of my money, or my dignity, as one might expect from a stripper, she did it anyway unconsciously. She had no consideration for the things that I was sacrificing in order for her to have a shot at a normal life. Most especially my money. My intentions were good, but my judgement was poor. She didn't set out to destroy me and bankrupt me, but she damn sure did it. I racked up $8,000 in debt messing with this girl. I had a chance to help someone get their life together as other have helped me. I had been at the same place in my life.

Part of my mistake was trying to do it all myself. She needed to do more than want to be different and better. She needed to actually take responsibility for the way she lived. Not wait for someone else to do it for her. I think everyone around the age of 23, finally gets that clue and gets their life together; or not. I know I did. She's not there yet. She's still a user. I'm truly sorry for her troubles, but I'll never make that mistake again.

You know she still calls me around the first of every month. The only reason I haven't changed my phone number is because I'm so outraged that it's become funny to me. Six months and not a word to her, but she's still calling. That same mechanism is not telling her that it's been over for a long time.

I'm not by nature a vindictive or vicious person. I truly hope that she grows up and gets her life together. The largest premise of our relationship was that she becomes an normal member of society. I truly hope she gets a clue and gets back on that track. If not for herself, then for her kids. She needs to know, that she destroyed the best thing in her life and that it was all of her own doing.


2. Hold on to a good thing

I had probably the best relationship in my life with Jen. I wished that when we broke up, I fought harder to put it back together. One of the biggest regrets of my life. I just let her go out of my life without a fight.

If you are with that one special person hold on to them. Life is too short and the grass is never greener than right where you are.


3. If it ain't right...

I have a saying that I kind of adapted for myself. If it ain't good for you, and it ain't good to you, then there's no reason you should continue to do it. This three biggest examples of this in the last year were Weston Solutions, Inc., Jade, and my job at GHR Systems, Inc./Metavante Lending Solutions.

Weston, I had been there for six years. Everyone I knew at Weston had been there since they were 18 or so, including me. I felt like I was way too young to be a "lifer". This was the place where I cut my teeth and grew into the developer I am today, and for that I am grateful. There were also other elements of that job where even though I finally had the respect and the clout I deserved, I couldn't continue. I won't go into the details here, but it was my choice to leave. I had to pursue new opportunities for myself. Weston had finally become good to me and good for me, but by itself it was not enough of either.

Jade, we all know what happened by now.

With Metavante, I couldn't stand it anymore. I was so miserable at that job, it was unbearable. I would wake up and dread coming in to work in the mornings. That's no way to live. It's not that it was a difficult job, either. It was actually pretty sweet. I wasn't expected to do much. The work that did come across my desk, I could usually knock out in a matter of hours what would take other developers weeks to do. The people there were great. No beefs with anyone.

It was just that the work itself was dreadful. It wasn't what I was meant to do. I would have a pile of work to do and I couldn't even motivate myself to try. It had gone on like this for months. I could feel myself losing my skillset just because I was doing schlock work.

Finally the time came where I couldn't face not another day in that office. I hated that job. Don't get me wrong. It was a good job for a developer, just the absolute wrong job for me. I woke up one morning and I physically could not bring myself to come to work that morning. I quit there on the spot.

The lesson here is that if it's not right for you, then stop it. Immediately. Do something else. What I did wrong was letting it get to the point where it was eating me away inside. The only motivation to keep that job was that it was a steady paycheck and I had a lot of debt. The other thing I did wrong was to just quit. I had spoken to my boss. He knew I was feeling this way and probably saw it coming in time. I just hit him with it kind of abruptly. Don't do that! It's easier to find a new job when you have one than when you don't. I actually quit with the prospect of a job that I didn't get, and really shouldn't have taken if it was offered. the money was right, but I had convinced myself that I should do it just because of the money and the fact that it wasn't my current job.

I also quit in early August, which is a really bad time to do that. It's vacation season. Hiring managers usually take their vacation close to Labor Day. Nearly nobody is available for interviews until after Labor Day, so for the month of August, I was pretty much screwed. No interviews, and very little income coming in. Of course when September 4th hit, my phone was ringing off the hook.

Three jobs in the span of a year. Yeesh!


4. It's always darkest before the dawn.

If you're faithful (and I don't necessarily mean prayer) and have good intentions, you will prevail. If you persevere through the hard times, life has a way of seeing that you end up alright. You just have to believe that you can. This past year I had to see probably the worst things that will ever happen to me, in order to have the best things happen. Past years I've nearly been homeless, jobless, nearly lost my mother, my own health was failing. But with some help and some faith, I was put in a better position in life. I was run into debt, nearly bankrupted, and almost lost my father this year. Right now, as I'm typing this, I'm on the way back to an even better place. I'm reconnecting with all of my friends. I'm in a sweet-ass job getting paid more money than I've ever been paid. I am on my own now, in my own place. In a couple of months, it will be ready and I'll have events and shit. I have some shit I'm putting together in the works (I won't tell you until I see how it goes).

The bottom line is, I am on the rebound, but like a superball, I am bouncing back higher than I was dropped. You have to believe in your self worth. I think one of the things that attracted me and Jade was that I was not feeling that I was the shit, so I gravitated to someone who wasn't shit. I am not an ain't shit nigga. I am the shit. Yes I realize that was about a dozen triple negatives and about 40 shits ;)

If anything is taken away from this litany of mixed metaphors, let it be this. Do not let your own life hold you back. Keep the faith, have positivity, and continue to grow. You are the masters of your own destiny.

Labels: Life