Manswers: How Do You Take a Stripper Home?

I DVR'ed an episode of Manswers on Spike the other night. It came on at midnight and I was too tired to stay up and watch it. It had one segment that kind of piqued my interest. How Do You Take a Stripper Home?.

Hmmm. I wonder what that's like? I wonder if they had any advice that paralleled my own experience with strippers.

Well, I watched it last night and here is the outcome. Let's compare it to real life.

1. Go on the slow nights. Your goal is to become a regular.

   Yeah. I'll buy into that one. On a busy night, you're just another face in the crowd. On a slow night, you're more likely to get noticed. Although you run the risk of appearing like (and becoming) that lonely perv that's in the club every night, a.k.a. a stalker.

2. The first place you don't sit is the stage. Post up at the bar like it's a regular bar. The one way you're gonna get a stripper's attention is by really not giving her a ton of attention.

   I don't agree with this one. In a lot of local joints the stage is the bar so you can't avoid it. In the bigger places, only the bartender will notice you at the bar. Although the reasoning behind this one is more sound than the actual method. Giving a stripper ALL your attention is deadly. They will have you hooked. You will become addicted and they will run you dry. Once she has you hooked, she will know it and all you become to her is a money source. Once that happens, Game over. Now there is something to be said about playing hard to get. Feigning interest. Don't overdo it. Strippers can smell bullshit like a fart in a car.

3. Bring a chick with you. Any time a girl is around another girl, there's always a little bit of competition.

   I don't know about this one. Yes, it's true about the competition, but that's all women. First, where are you going to find a straight chick who will go to a strip club with you? Second, if you do find one, why aren't you banging her? Third, in my experience a stripper is more exited at the prospect of giving another chick a lapdance than you. They see horny guys all day. This move will not work to your advantage.

4. Don't tip the strippers. Strippers are in it for one thing: money. The moment that money changes hands, you're a source of income. You'll never be seen as anything else.

   That's partially true. Don't show your roll. Break out a few singles at a time. If a stripper sees that your money is long, then it's all said and done. Not tipping a stripper can lead to venomous consequences. In a big place like Delilah's, where a stripper can clear hundreds a night, they won't miss your couple dollars. In a dive joint, the strippers there are working hard for the money, so every dollar counts. Snubbing a stripper in these places will actually get you the opposite result. Bring enough money to make sure every stripper that comes around for a tip get some money. It's just respectful. If there's one that actually interests you, make it a point to have her come over to you to get a little something extra. She'll then start to recognize you and begin to engage you. Yes, it's to get more money from you, but it gets your foot in the door. This is your opportunity to start chatting her up.

5. Throw a party. Girls love to party, and these girls love to party.

   Yes, they do. All of them love to get lit. This is not a guarantee of anything, though. Don't think you're like the guy in the clip and just say, "Oh, I'm having a party," and walk out the door with them. Strippers are not likely to leave the club with you. If you're going to party with strippers, make an announcement. Set a date. Make an event out of it. Invite a few of them for a little fun. Don't be the only one there. You're more likely to end up with a stripper if you see her outside the club, than in. So the objective here is to get them to willingly interact with you outside the club. So a party is a good way to do it. Your friends will have fun, they will have fun, and most importantly, you will have fun.

Anyway, it doesn't seem like Spike has the ultimate answer to picking up strippers. It seems no one does. Ultimately, strippers are people, too. They have needs and wants just like the rest of us ... only adjusted. Contrary to what one might think, strippers are usually very sexually repressed. Either from some sexual trauma, or the fact that they grind in guys' laps all day. The likelihood is that they won't go home with you for a one night stand, though it does happen. The more you can see them outside the club, the more likely they are to see you as someone they might continue to see outside the club. My couple of tips should help to keep your game strong and continue to keep your money long.

Just so I can say I warned you, just be aware, you are taking a stripper home (or attempting, anyway). If you're the jealous type, this is not an adventure for you. You have to deal with strippers giving sexual attention to another guy. Also nearly every last one of them is crazy in some way (or many ways).

Other links:

• SpikeTV: How Do You Take a Stripper Home?
• wikiHow: How to Date a Stripper

Labels: Bars, Comedy, Hot Bitches, Life, Night life, Strip clubs, TV