OK, so I've been home watching a lot of TV lately. (Gosh, I wonder why)
There's a show that I just can't get enough of, Hell Date

Hell Date is a TV dating/reality/prank show that comes on BET. The premise is that a person goes on a date, under the auspices that they are on a reality dating show. The production crew will follow the young couple around with cameras to various date locales. The twist is that one of the people on the date is an actor working on the show. The actor's job is to make the date as miserable as possible for the other person. The other person has no idea that they're on the date from hell!

OK, so this is not my typical fare. Ordinarily, I never watch reality TV, in particular dating shows, but this one is just too good.

Hellish dates include the unsuspecting brotha that goes on a date with a pre-op trannie. At first they're kickin' it. Vibin', you know. In the car ride to their first locale, they're getting to know each other. She lets him know that she's just getting back into the dating game after a while, after recuperating from some health issues. One of the locales on their date was a ranch, taking horseback riding lessons. As both of them mount their horses, the dude was fine, but the sista was complaining that the saddle was hurting her <<stuff>>. The dude was starting to grow suspicious. Why would a woman be hurting there? The next locale was a wig shop. They were both fooling around trying on wigs. The girl starts mentioning that this is how she really wants to look. While trying on a wig in the mirror, she begins to chant to herself, "I am beautiful...I am pretty." The brotha grows more suspicious. Finally they are having a drink at a club. The girl mentions how much she likes his goatee and how she never could grow one, as much as she wanted to. She invites him to dance and he declines, stating he's not ready to dance right now. Finally, the brotha senses there's something amiss with her and tries to let her down easy. "I think maybe I would rather have you as a friend." Oh, that's when she went off! She started cussing him out and showing him her suspiciously growing bulge under her dress. "How you just gonna disrespect me!?! This ain't gonna be a problem! In another two months it won't even be there! You ain't gotta make no thing about it! Look at it!" When the brotha can't take no more, a midget in a devil suit comes out to tell him he's been on Hell Date.

This sista wasn't really a trannie, but the dude didn't know that. Just watching his expressions change when she would say certain things was comedy enough. To add more levity, they had a confessional where he would reveal his concerns.

Another great hell date was another unsuspecting brotha who met up with this kinda quiet, shy, but cute girl. He picked her up at her apartment. She invited him in for a drink before they went out to a club. Again, they're vibin' getting to know each other. After a little while, she says that she's going to go change and they'll leave. A couple of minutes later, she comes out and quietly mentions that she has something for him. Kind of a surprise. He turns around an holy shit! She's got on a latex dominatrix outfit and a whip! She goes from Dr. Jekyll to Mrs. Hyde. She's barking commands at him and cracking the whip. This dude is freaking the fuck out! Whoo!

Now see me, I would have been into it. That probably would have thrown her off her game. I'd have been all smooth with the shit. Oh, hell yes! But that's just me.

More dates from hell include the dude that gets just a little overly possessive on a first date. "You my woman now." Another is a dude that has a family emergency and has to pick up his retarded little (26-year old) brother and watch him on their date.

The one that really got me watching was this one. An unsuspecting brotha meets this fly ass girl. She gets this family emergency phone call and has to pick up her daughter from day care. The dude's face is a little disappointed because not only does she have a kid, but their date is interrupted because her ex-husband can't watch her. So they got to pick up her child. The kid is this pretty little girl who unbeknown to this dude is a child actor.

The kid starts asking questions like, "Don't you think we look a lot alike? Is it alright if I call you Daddy?" Just watching this dude sweat was HILARIOUS!

So check out Hell Date on BET. It comes on weekday @ 12:30 in the afternoon. I don't know when else it comes on, but catch it when you can. It's great!

Labels: Comedy, Dating, Night life, TV

I mean, seriously. I like this movie a lot. I wouldn't say it's Scorcese's greatest work, but it's damn good.

It's now Wednesday, and I've seen this movie 7 times since it premiered on Cinemax on Saturday. There's something to be said about oversaturation. This is why I find that there's nothing on, even though I have over 300 channels of TV to watch. It's because I've seen everything that they air because they show it nine hundred times before they decide they're sick of it.

Yeesh!

Labels: Movies, Rants, TV

You know blogging has been good for me. It keeps me from writing the book I've always wanted to, I'm OK, You're OK, but that mother fucker...

If I were to write that it would be a cynical, incessant rant on the stupidity and gullibility of the American public. Truly a jaded view of the world. I would have so many pseudo-psychological theories as to why people are the way they are and how to deal with them.

At least with blogging, I get to vent in small increments. Im' a very take no prisoners kind of guy.

Oh well. Maybe someday I'll still write the book. I would probably make a mint from it. But for now, I'll just stick to this.

Labels: Blogging, Rants

So I had another employment agency interview today. This time with MacArthur Associates. They're located in Center City at 16th & Market. Basically across from City Hall.

First off, I wasn't going to drive down. It would be a complete waste of gas. The only place to park is right on Market Street in front of a building; good luck with that, or in a parking garage which is going to cost an exorbitent amount of money. If I were going to work in Philadelphia, it would cost like $22 a day. That's like $5,200 a year just for parking.

So what's my alternative? SEPTA. FUCK!!!

I'd have to drive to Bridgeport or Norristown which would take at least a half-hour without traffic. Then get on the train which would also cost an obscene amount of money. With SEPTA gouging prices and now they're doing away with transfers, it would cost $3.10 to get on the Rt. 100 to 69th St. and transfer to the El (Market/Frankford Line) each way. During peak hours that would take at least another hour and a half.

That's just the bitching part of this rant.

OK so on the way down on the Rt. 100, this loud ass heffer on her cell phone was cussin' her ass off on her cell phone. Ignorant cooz, don't you know you're disturbing everyone on the train? Don't nobody wanna hear that shit. Shut the fuck up!

The rest of the passengers and I were just shooting each other looks like, "This heffer..." On the plus side, I got to share some eye contact with some good-lookin' honeys. There was this one that was a nurse wearing green scubs. Mmm. There's just something about nurses. There was also this one in a pink top that was just bangin'.

There was also this little 17-year old eyeballin' me like a piece of steak. Baby, I'm flattered. Your little ass is cute, but you don't got nothin' I want. I mean damn, in my interview gear I look good. Damn good. So fresh, so clean. Meaner than a broke-dick dog in fact. Got to beat 'em off with a stick.

OK, so now I'm down at 69th St. Damn. I forgot about the fucking El construction, so Market Street is closed from 69th St. to 40th St. There are damn shuttle buses that herd us in like so much cattle and move ever so slowly through West Philly traffic. Then you leave the buses and move underground to take the rest of the El at high speed. You ever wonder why the Elevated Train goes underground?

Anyway, after a 2 hour commute, I had a rinky dink 25 minute meeting then had to go right back. Well I wasn't ready to endure mass transit for another 2 hours just yet. So I walked around Center City for a little bit. Right around City Hall and Love Park is a great place to just people watch. On days I would go downtown, on my lunch breaks, I would sit in the courtyard of the Centre Square bulding and just people watch for hours. Yes, hours. On a good day, you see so many honeys go by.

Repeat commute in reverse. Only this time, When the El shuttle dropped my off, I decided to take myself a little smoke break. I'm just standing there minding my own business. And this orca of a dude just walks up and start a conversation.

OK. It must be me. I must have the face that draws in the crazies. To look at this dude you might think he was perfectly normal. Just some average blue-collar worker. When he approached me, I thought he wanted a cigarette or something. I don't exactly know what he was saying to me. Something about how some lowlife brotha was beating on his sister and if he called the sheriffs, they'd take his house away. And you know, the women don't like it when they don't have no place to live.

Now because I'm not a complete and total dick, on the outside, I was just smiling and nodding, "Yeah, you're right. No, they don't like that." I was very nice to him. :|

On the inside, I was screaming, "Will you get the fuck away from me?!?!? Take your retarded ass on down the road! Seriously, move the fuck on!" Maybe because I was in a suit, he thought I was his caseworker or something.

Eventually he moved on, still kind of muttering to himself. I took a couple more minutes and finished my cigarette. I moved through the concourse and got on the Rt. 100 to head back towards Bridgeport. Guess who's on the damn train? My new buddy, sitting right at the front of the car with an open seat right behind him. Dammit! Needless to say, I quickly grabbed a seat near the back of the car and prayed he never turned around for fear he might start another conversation.

So, 4 hours on mass transit and a blown afternoon later, people still wonder why I don't want to work in Philadelphia. Oh, and did I mention the city wage tax?

Labels: Job Hunting, Rants, Work

This is fun to do. It was just passed around MySpace. Just read the "offense" and if you've done it, you owe that fine. Keep going until you've read each "offense" and added up your total fine. Title your bulletin "My Bar Tab is $........" You don't have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine.

Smoked pot -- $10
Fo' shizzle, my nizzle. The stickiest of the icky, baby.

Did acid -- $5
Only once in Valley Forge Park. I swear I thought that bear was talking to me. He had some profound shit to say.

Ever had sex at church -- $25
Um, No. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Go directly to hell.

Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you -- $40
One day I'll tell you about the time I woke up in Voorhies, NJ.

Had sex with someone on My Space -- $25
Have never gotten the MySpace lay.

Had sex for money -- $100
Sadly I'm not a whore. Oh, who am I kidding? If you've got the money, honey...

Ever had sex with the a Puerto Rican -- $20
She was half Puerto Rican. Does that count? Do I only add $10?

Vandalized something -- $20
You know how it says 'AEON' on that overpass on 202 N around Devon? Yet, despite what people think, I was NOT the one tagging BPT all over town and I did NOT spray paint "Kiss my Black Ass!" on the side of the High School building.

Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10
Ewww! No.

Beat up someone -- $20
Stomped the ever-lovin monkey shit out of someone.

Been jumped -- $10
Been jumped for so many reasons. Mistaken identity, random drunken beating...

Crossed dressed -- $10
Hey, it was powder puff football. Everybody did it. The football team, the cheerleaders, and the marching band. ;-)

Given money to stripper -- $25
Everything I had and more. Damn you.

Been in love with a stripper -- $20
Yeah. What was I thinking?

Kissed some one who's name you didn't know --$10
Yeah that's happened. ...And what's your name?

Hit on someone of the same sex while at work-- $15
Sorry, don't swing that way. Whether it's at work or not.

Ever drive drunk -- $20
Not too drunk. Sure after I've had a few, I've noticed my judgement's impaired. I'm a little more careful. Never pissy drunk, though.

Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50
Used to do that every Friday. Still would If I still worked there.

Used toys while having sex -- $30
No ass clowns, please.

Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- $20
I refer back to the Voorhies, NJ story.

Went skinny dipping -- $5
Nah, no pools (at the time)

Had sex in a pool -- $20
Splish splash, baby. ;-)

Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10
Alright once, but only to mess with his mind. Yecch!

Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20
HEEEELLLLLLLs NO!

Cheated on your significant other -- $10
I never cheat.

Masturbated -- $10
Come on. I'm masturbating right now.

Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend --$20
Again, I've never cheated.

Done oral -- $5
I eat pussy with chopsticks.

Got oral -- $5
Hells yes.

Done / got oral in a car while it was moving -- $25
Wow. That would be hard to give oral in a moving car. Unless it wasn't the driver.

Stole something -- $10
I used to be a master thief. Only ever got caught a handful of times. And on the stupidest stuff, though. $150 fine for a bottle of Yoohoo.

Had sex with someone in jail -- $25
No man-bitch prison he-sex. I hear there's no cuddling after. Just a lot of tears.

Made a nasty home video -- $15
Never got freaky with a camera.

Had a threesome -- $50
In my youth.

Had sex in the wild -- $20
The wild? I guess Valley Forge Park counts. With the deer onlooking.

Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25
Sadly, yes.

Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars -- $20
Damn straight.

Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20
No Mrs. Robinsons in my past.

Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $25
No Woody Allen moments, either.

Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50
I'm pretty monagymous

Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25
Yes. See above (stripper). Also didn't say I loved someone when I did.

Went streaking -- $5
I don't think you're ready for this jelly.

Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15
Never exactly had that particular urge.

Been arrested -- $5
Yes, fuckers.

Spent time in jail -- $15
Yes. Jail is not prison. There IS a difference.

Peed in the pool -- $0.50
Welcome to our OOL. You'll notice that there is no 'P' in it. Please keep it that way.

Played spin the bottle -- $5
I remember the first time I played that. In the parking lot behing the Denny's in King of Prussia. I got to kiss Kelly Blaugh. Damn she was hot. Fuck I'm a good kisser. Made my millennium.

Done something you regret -- $20
Falling in love with a stripper.

Had sex with your best friend -- $20
An interesting quandary. I think your lover should be your best friend. So yes.

Had sex with someone you work with at work -- $25
Never dip my pen in the company ink. Thought about it. But never did it.

Had anal sex -- $80
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Lied to your mate -- $5
Only the standard little lies. You know. No, that dress doesn't make you look fat.

Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- $25
It's never bad! (That's not necessarily true)


O. K , now tally up your answers, then, click forward to send to the all of the people you want to take the test...... In the subject of you forward put your "My Bar Tab Is... (your total) Now send to all your friends and back to the person who sent it to you.

Labels: Blogging, Comedy, Games, Hot Bitches, MySpace, Strip clubs

Just saw my girl Nathalie Kelley in a Schick Quattro for women commercial. Looking just as cute as ever. She doesn't say anything but she just walks across a room and looks at herself in thee mirror.

I think the commercial is just a few years old which explains why I thought I saw her before.

I was pleasantly surprised to see her.

Labels: Advertising, Hot Bitches, TV

Yeesh.

I have been downloading far too much porn lately. Although, is that really a bad thing?

I find one actress and it becomes an obsessive search. I must have ALL her work. I must have her. OK, maybe that's pushing it ;)

Lately I've been using BitTorrent, Kazaa, anything I can, finding works from the following starlets:

• Nautica Thorn
• Adriana Sage
• Aliana Love
• Aurora Jolie
• Sativa Rose

I think I've actually burnt myself out on pron for a good long while. Didn't think that could actually happen.

Labels: Hot Bitches

So I decided to have a little more fun with the facial recognition software on MyHeritage.com.

Yet again, not one brother.

This time, it came up with Johnny Depp, Leonardo DiCaprio, Ricky Martin, and Darren Hayes. Well, at least it's one Puerto Rican. It's not entirely a snow white cast.

BTW, who the hell is Darren Hayes?

http://www.myheritage.com

Labels: Blogging, MySpace, Technology

This was an interesting little diversion.

I see more and more of these popping up all over MySpace, so I decided to give them a try.

MyHeritage.com uses facial recognition software to take a photo of you and match it up with photots they have of celebrities. I took a stock photo of myself and gave it a whirl.

The funny thing is that there's not a single brother in the bunch. None of these guys even look remotely like me :o)

But whatever. It was fun. Give it a try. All you need is an E-Mail address.

Labels: Blogging, MySpace, Technology