You know, I have been watching Coming To America lately. It's been on cable a few times in the last week. I had forgotten how truly funny that movie actually is. Certainly I pick up on a lot more humor than I did when I first saw it when I was 8.

That shit's got some great scenes in it. Like the one featuring Randy Watson & Sexual Chocolate.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZoS8j9eNMZU" target="sexualchocolate"><img src="http://www.waldoland.com/images/blogimages/sexualchocolate.jpg" /></a>

Every time I leave a group of people, that's how I'm going to do it. I know my Uncle Wayne already does it, but that's way too funny for him to keep all for himself. I know the white people at work won't get it, but that's half the fun. :)

Wow, the girl that played Lisa in it, Shari Headley, my god what a stunningly gorgeous woman. Oh, my god she is beautiful. Why haven't we seen more of her? I just looked her up on IMDB. It looks like she's done a lot of one-times on TV episodes here and there over the years. And a lot of Soaps. Stuff I don't admit I watch. I don't understand why she didn't do more feature films. As beautiful as she is, she could have been a great star.

Hehe, and Eriq LaSalle. Forever playing a prick. At least in ER, he's a magnanimous prick.

Labels: Comedy, Fun, Hot Bitches, Movies

Damn, Salma Hayek has a killer body. Every time I see it, it's just a thing of beauty. Makes me damn near want to cry sometimes.

Every time From Dusk Till Dawn comes on, I am compelled to tune in if for nothing else than the table dance of Santanico Pandemonium. Ooooooowieee! Now that's what I call a fucking show!

<a href="http://youtube.com/watch?v=zvCTkBKRggc" target="youtube"><img src="http://www.waldoland.com/images/blogimages/salmadusktilldawn.jpg" alt="Salma Hayek" /></a>

Labels: Hot Bitches, Movies

That's so awesome.

I was watching Jackass: Number Two and I saw that Johnny Knoxville has a Wawa logo tattooed on his upper left arm. Truly a testament to how awesome Wawas are. My guess would be that Bam Margera and his crew had some influence over that, since we know that Knoxville's not exactly from 'round here.

I think it's especially awesome because I worked for Wawa for two years. It just makes me happy that I've touched him in an indirect way. :)

Labels: Comedy, Movies, Pop Culture, Tattoos

I love a good donging!

Let's be clear. A donging has nothing to do with any kind of he-bitch man sex. A donging is when you're watching a movie, usually comedy or action, and a character gets smacked in the head area with a large, usually metallic, object which makes a great sound. DONG!
e.g. - Frying pan to the back of the skull.

I love that shit! Cartoon violence. It's the greatest. Especially when it's really unexpected. If you can see it coming, it loses a lot of its value.

Labels: Comedy, Fun, Movies, TV

WTF? Somebody was smoking some good LSD when they came up with this shit.


Yes, I know you don't smoke LSD.

Labels: Movies, TV

You know, I was watching TV this weekend and saw the movie Money Train.

I was just thinking, remember how beautiful Jennifer Lopez used to be?

What I mean by that is back in 1995, she was this pretty down chick from the Bronx with curly hair. She was approachable even if you only had a little game. So attractive, and the apple of everyone's eye.

Now she is the entity known as J.Lo, a millionairess with champagne tastes, who marries other celebrities at will. Yes, she's still got the onion booty (it may have even been enhanced since then), but basically a Hollywood starfucker.

I remember the lyric, "Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got. I'm still Jenny from the block.". Nothing could be further from the truth. With her makeup and hair product lines that people pay fortunes for, she is so superficial and artificial, it makes me wanna puke. And yet she has been deified as a Hollywood/Music industry diva, nay, queen, nay god. Her music isn't that good and neither is her acting. She ain't even all that cute anymore.

I would have preferred she remain humble. Every time I see those commercials for her new album, it makes me wanna gag and throw up in my mouth a little. I feel physically ill. She is so fake.

Labels: Hot Bitches, Movies, Music, Philosophizing, TV

I waited with baited breath for the premiere of Battlestar Galactica: Razor

I was not disappointed.

The story centered around a young female officer, Kendra Shaw (doesn't that sound like a sista's name?) and how she is shaped into a "Razor", an instrument of war, during her service on the Battlestar Pegasus. Under the command of the ruthless Admiral Cain (played by Michelle Forbes), she is witness and participant to the atrocities that occurred on the Pegasus after the Cylon Holocaust.

And by the way, she's a little badass. Little hottie with an Australian accent that's tough as nails. Nice. Of course she goes head to head with Starbuck. Do I sense a catfight?

The cool part of the TV movie is the tie-in to the present-day Pegasus with the Cylons of the original series. You'll have to watch to understand that.

I was a little disappointed at how brief it was. Yes it was two hours, but I want more. I can't wait until friggin' April for more Battlestar. If you listen to the writer's meeting podcast for this, there's so much that they wrote that for whatever reason got axed from the final cut. Damn, all of that would have been great television.


All of this has happened before and all of this will happen again.
Kara Thrace is the harbinger of doom :|
Cool

Labels: Movies, TV

So of course, it's Black Friday, and we ain't doin' shit.

Bump dat. I'm not getting up at 5AM to go sale shopping. After the night I had last night. You must be joking.

So we decided that we were going to have leftover day. Since my father had to work Thanksgiving (that shit's about to stop), he couldn't make it down to Cranny's. We decided to make a second meal just for us; Mom, Dad, and myself.

Typical shit only in lighter doses. yes, we're making brand new dishes just to have leftovers, hehe. :) Mom made a turkey breast and a giant pan of stuffing, some greens, carrots, and cranberry sauce. I of course brought the closer, my slammin' "Smack Yo Momma" Macaroni & Cheese. Of course I had to go shopping for all the ingredients on black Friday. Fortunately I found everything I needed at my local Giant. It was pretty empty in there, though.

I ran into Becky McCarron & Josh Tay in the store. We talked for about an hour in the meat section. I think I may have to get back together with the Audubon Symphony Orchestra. It's a possibility.

Anyway, we had a little post-Thanksgiving mini feast for just ourselves. Watched Ocean's 13 on DVD. Mom went to bed at 8:30, and Dad fell asleep on the couch shortly after. Nice. Dad woke up just in time to see the ending credits and fell back asleep.


That was fun.

Labels: Family, Food, Holidays, Movies

The song playing in the Transformers movie when Bumble Bee picks up Sam and Mikaela and begins the car chase with Barricade is:

The Used - Pretty Handsome Awkward

Check out the Transformers Soundtrack on WALDOLand Music.

According to Google Analytics this is the #1 search term that gets you to WALDOLand.com

Labels: Movies, Music

I caught a little bit of Battlestar Galactica: Razor on Monday night when I went with Dad to see American Gangster. Evidently, the IMAX theater in KoP was having some sneak preview. Dad and I snuck into the theater before and after American Gangster. Dad was all trying to convince me, "We'll come back and see it when we pay" I was like, "Fuck dat shit, puto!" I stuck around for a few.

Wouldn't you know it? Son of a bitch! Even in the theater, it's got fucking commercials!

Well, I won't reveal anything. I'm waiting for the SciFi premiere on the 24th.

Labels: Movies, TV

Saw American Gangster last night with Dad. A damn fine movie.

Denzel Washington was convincing as a ganster, but it was no Training Day.

It's very different than the movie I expected to see. I figured on a cavalcade of gangland violence and explosions. Though it was quite violent at points, the movie was much more philosophic than expected. To put it bluntly, Russell Crowe's character wasn't even aware of Frank Lucas until the last half hour of the movie.

Russell Crowe's North Jersey accent was hilarious. You could hear him slip back into his native tongue so many times during that movie.

I was happy to see Common in another movie. He really is a talented actor. I'm just waiting to see him in bigger roles. Not like this one where he played someone who was country as a chicken coop and only got a handful of lines.

I also saw my buddy, Chewie (Chiwetel Ejiofor) was also in that movie, playing Frank Lucas' country-ass brother, Huey. I like it when Chewie's in american roles, but I like it better when he plays his native British tongue. I just saw him last weekend in Kinky Boots for the first time. I remember Jen and I were supposed to go see that at the Colonial, but it ran out so fast we never got the chance.

I found an interesting symmetry having Clarence Williams III play Bumpy Johnson in this movie, having played Bub Hewlett in Hoodlum; a movie about Bumpy Johnson.

Labels: Movies

Since I've been watching the Heroes marathon on G4, I missed what the premier movies on cable were tonight. As I'm flipping through the channels after midnight looking for replays, I caught Smokin' Aces on Cinemax.

I must admit, I had been wanting to see this movie. I like the occasional bang-bang shoot-em-up. It's a relief from the truly cinematic films I watch. I saw with this one, that it not only had a huge cast of names and faces that I know, but that cast included two of my favorite musicians in bad-ass roles; Common and Alicia Keys. I love it when my people like Mos Def and Jill Scott, become actors and do it well. I have yet to see Talib Kweli in a role, but I suspect he's out there.

Common was just a bad ass muh fucka named Ivy. Just a do-dirt nigga. Bad to the bone. I love it.

My Sexy beautiful girl Alicia Keys plays a hit man, er, hit woman named Georgia who comes ready for war. Not only is she ultra sexy, posing as a hooker to infiltrate security, but she carries some mean guns, and cusses like a man.

I'm already in love with Alicia Keys, but hearing her cuss like that, turned me on like a switch. Sometimes I like a girl with a really dirty mouth. Not so much because it's a part of her everyday speech pattern because it's part of her environment (A.K.A. - Ghetto Mouf), but because she's confident enough and comfortable in her own skin, enough to not have to censor herself around those she's comfortable with. My one caveat to that is you must be a lady in the streets.

That's the kind of shit I could roll with.

Labels: Hot Bitches, Movies, Music, TV

Man, I love British black chicks. There's just something about them that's just so damn sexy. Most of the hottest ones are half Nigerian. Don't know what I'm talking about? Check out these hotties:

Carmen Ejogo

I first saw Carmen in Metro alongside Eddie Murphy. God she was beautiful. So sweet and charming. Maybe it was the accent, but I could see how anyone could fall in love with her. Carmen later appears in the series Kidnapped. I haven't seen that series yet, only because I didn't know she was in it. I may have to start watching it now.

Pics of Carmen Ejogo

Marsha Thomason

Man, I saw this hottie first in Black Knight alongside Martin Lawrence. There was this scene where he and Marsha were both faking intercourse for the benefit of two guards posted outside Lawrence's chamber. She let out this moan that made me shiver. Even Martin had to pause and go, "Damn." Further hotness includes being a regular cast member on the NBC series, Las Vegas, now in syndication on TNT. She played a croupier, which all that was required of her was to deal cards and look sexy. The culmination of the hotness though, was her feature in the N.E.R.D. video She Wants to Move. Dammit, I say let her! She just tore that shit up!

The only complaint I have about her is that a few years ago, she got one or two tattoos. Ordinarily, I think tattoos on a woman can be ultra sexy if done tastefully and discreetly. One or two only. Small and somewhere like an ankle or the small of the back, or even on a hip. It's kind of like a little treasure. Not a friggin' billboard across the stomach. No question that her tats are demure, I just think it's a shame to decorate that flawless body.

You know come to think of it, I recall seeing her name credited alongside Eddie Murphy's for The Haunted Mansion, but I've never seen it. Kids movie.

Pics of Marsha Thomason

Scary Spice

And speaking of Eddie Murphy...how about his new baby momma, Scary Spice. You know, that guy must have the same affinity for British black chicks that I do. I remember back to like '95 when the Spice Girls came out. Everything about them sickened me. Their only redeeming quality in my eyes was merely the membership of Scary Spice. I didn't give a damn about any of the others; not Slut Spice, Stupid Spice, Dyke Spice, or Golddigger Spice-Beckham.

I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want... If I wanna be your lover, and i gotta get with your friends, I just may take the bullet for the team. Man, I remember she had great tits. no bra and a great ass. And the best part of all was a tongue stud, which in '95, may have been the reason for the moniker Scary Spice. Tongue studs were new and either you were with them or you were afraid of them.

She also had this kind of sweet charm when she wore her glasses. Kind of the school-teacher bookworm timid charm. But when the glasses came off, I bet she was a beast in the sack!

Pics of Scary Spice

Freema Agyeman

Playing Dr. Who's current companion Martha Jones, Freema Agyeman is just a gorgeous girl next door. She is the only thing that makes me watch Dr. Who. (Don't tell my dad) I've never been a Dr. Who fan, but my dad has been a fan since stone knives.

Pics of Freema Agyeman

Ebony Thomas

Ebony Thomas is a hot ass British Maxim model. She is known for her work on the soap, Family Affairs. I don't know her from that, or even what the hell that is, but just...look at her!

Pics of Ebony Thomas

Labels: Hot Bitches, Movies, Tattoos, TV

I mean, seriously. I like this movie a lot. I wouldn't say it's Scorcese's greatest work, but it's damn good.

It's now Wednesday, and I've seen this movie 7 times since it premiered on Cinemax on Saturday. There's something to be said about oversaturation. This is why I find that there's nothing on, even though I have over 300 channels of TV to watch. It's because I've seen everything that they air because they show it nine hundred times before they decide they're sick of it.

Yeesh!

Labels: Movies, Rants, TV

More than meets the eye!

Saw the Transformers movie last night. Two words...AWE-SOME!

You know when Michael Bay is attached to a movie, it ain't gonna be no Jerry Maguire. It's gonna have explosions and car chases and violence. You don't go see this kind of movie for its dramatic cinematic content or engaging plotlines. Let me tell ya. Transformers did not disappoint.

I went to the 10:40 showing in Oaks. I wanted to go to a midnight show, but there weren't any around. I go to midnight shows for movies like this because I hate sitting in a theater with 4,000 nine-year olds. I want to be able to curse and yell at the screen without having to worry if I'm pissing some angry soccer mom off. At midnight shows, there are people my age, who do the same thing and it enhances the movie experience, not ruins it. 10:40 would suffice. It's past their bedtimes.

You ever have one of those moments where you say to yourself, "I didn't just see that"? I did. I'm in the concession line buying nachos and out of the corner of my eye I see a guy walk past. Since what I saw, my brain couldn't interpret, I just dismissed it...until I saw him walk by again. I saw a dude that came to the theater decked out in a homemade Optimus Prime costume, composed entirely of beer cases. This dork had duct taped empty Budweiser packaging around his body and head and actually left the house like that. I'm not sure but I don't think there were any Drunkicons in the movie. I gotta give him credit, though. For a stupid idea, it was pretty ingenious. I could tell this was going to be fun.

Cut to theater interior.

I stake myself out a little spot in the middle of the theater and get comfortable with my $6.00 nachos and the bottled water I snuck in my pocket. (I'm not going to pay $4.00 for a bottle of water.) I came in mid-trailers. I saw the one for the new Adam Sandler/Kevin James movie, I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry. Good God Jessica Biel's got a hot body. She strips down to her underwear and jiggles around a little bit. Man I gotta find video of that.

Anyway...

[Spoiler Alert! (but nod bad)]



The cool part about this movie is the perspective. Nowhere ever in the cartoon did they deal with the human response to the Transformers. It was always Autobot vs. Decepticon and maybe save some humans. In the movie, it's more about governmental response, terror threats, keeping it quiet, & military response. Very much a What the fuck!?! factor.

Car chases, explosions, guns, violence, dogfights, aliens, robots, a bigass battle in the middle of a city with billions of dollars in collateral damage; what more could one ask? Transformers was awesome.

OK, now it's bitch time. The bitching is numerous, but insignificant.

First, the Beetle thing. If you read above, you found out that in the movie Bumble Bee transformed into a Camaro instead of a VW Beetle. Nerd purists would say that's disingenuous. I agree, but you know what? You can't get the new hotness with a fucking '08 bug. Did you see that Camaro concept car? Damn that's hot!

Second, General Motors is a total whore. Just like the latter movies of the Matrix trilogy, every vehicle, save for two or three in the movie was a GM car. Chevy's, GMC's, Pontiacs, Saturns, Hummers, and Saabs permeate the movie. Barricade was a Ford/Saleen Mustang. There were a couple of Crown Vics used as cop cars and taxis (Of course, not without the appropriate sprinkling of Impalas as cop cars). Optimus Prime was a Freightliner, but that's because GM don't make 18-wheelers.

For me, they did a great job on the special effects in general. However the Transformers themselves could have used some work. In many cases I though they were TOO detailed. I'm sure almost everyone will disagree with me. I think they put way too much time and effort into giving the robots detail. So much so that your eye couldn't focus in and absorb any of those details. The just became a mess of machinery. In addition, every last one of the Decepticons was gray. That made them almost indistinguishable. Starscream and Megatron stood next to each other and I couldn't tell them apart. Also everyone had round eyes and mouths. A number of Transformers originally had masks over their mouths. I read that it was so the animators could make them emote more. I don't know, it just seemed wrong to me.

When it comes to the eye absorbing detail, the digital camerawork was too fast. This is where a good DP (that's Director of Photography for you neophytes) earns their stripes. With so much detail for the eye to absorb, the camera should slow down a bit. Things happen so fast that the eye can't perceive it, so the brain can't absorb it. This causes the effect of, "Damn, that looked cool, but what the fuck just happened?" Two Transformers fighting just becomes a blur and one of them ends up fragged in the end.

More bitching...

OK, this series of bitching is about cartoon-to-movie continuity. You read about the Bumble Bee thing already. In reading this article on Wikipedia, it is indicated that they wrote in more Decepticons than Autobots to add a greater element of terror. OK, but why did they use so many 2nd generation Decepticon characters, when they only use a handful of 1st generation Autobots? Most of these characters were never in the original ark. The Autobots were outnumbered 8 (at least) to 5. Scorponok was one of the city-sized Transformers, not introduced for years after the show was aired. Barricade and Blackout even later. Bonecrusher was one of the Contructicons, introduced in the second season. All 5 of the Constructicons joined to form a giant robot called Devastator, who is now a separate individual and also an M1 Tank. Frenzy was one of the tiny cassette Decepticons (remember cassettes?), brother in arms with Rumble, Ravage, and Laserbeak, all minions of Soundwave, who transformed into a cassette recorder. In the movie, they took away Frenzy's pile-driving capability, combined him with Soundwave's transformation, and made his robot form look really weird. And by the way, why did they make him a GPX boombox? Why did they have to make him the cheapest, most generic, Toys 'R' Us brand boombox they could find? Oh that's right. Product placement.

Autobots	Decepticons
Optimus Prime - Peterbilt 18-wheeler Bumble Bee - '74 Chevy Camaro/'09 Chevy Camaro Concept Jazz - Pontiac Solstice Ironhide - GMC Topkick Ratchet - Hummer H2 (Modified Search & Rescue)	Megatron - Cybertronian "Jet" Starscream - Lockheed/Martin F-22 Raptor Frenzy - GPX Boombox Barricade - '09 Ford/Saleen Mustang Blackout - Sekorsky Pave Low helicopter Scorponok - Scorpion robot Bonecrusher - Construction Vehicle Devastator - M1 Abrams Tank

Anyway...

I'm done bitching now. Get out and go see this movie. Forget all that shit I said. It's still a fun fucking time for any child of the eighties. Oh yeah, and the girl in this movie, Megan Fox...not bad.

Transformers rates a 9.5/10 (4 1/2 stars/5) in my book. Well worth the price of admission.

Oh, yeah. And wouldn't you know it? The movie's over, I'm leaving the theater, and I see that same guy with the beer case costume. Only he's got a gaggle of friends, ALL of whom are Drunkicons. I just had to laugh.

Labels: Geekdom, Movies, Rants, TV