Of all people, my mother sent this one to me.

MediaTakeOut.com just got its hands on an excerpt from the tell-all book of Philadelphia-based radio personality Goldengirl (whose real mane is Lisa Natson) entitled Sex & Celebrities: The Truth, the Whole Truth, The Naked Truth.

...

Lil Kim and I were touching, rubbing, and before I knew it, we were playing in each other's pussy with our fingers. Her ass was so soft, I kept touching and grabbing it. I'd never felt anybody's ass as soft as mine, and her titties were huge and pretty. Her nipples got hard instantly as I licked all over them. She was rubbing my clit and grabbing my ass.

She pulled me on top of her, and somehow made her clit press a button on mine. We were grinding clits, and it felt unbelievably good. I figured she knew what she was doing, cause my pussy was dripping wet. We were both moaning, and I didn't think she could feel my pussy juices, because as she slid her fingers between my lips.

When she felt how wet she had gotten me, she got a surge of adrenaline and said, "Oh my God, girl, you're so wet, let me..." and she leaned up and grabbed my leg to motion me to turn my ass to her face. I did, and we were in the sixty-nine position, with her on the bottom.

...

LAWD HAVE MERCY!!!

True or not. I don't care. This was the best story ever told. Hallelujah! Holy shit!

Read the rest of this excerpt here. I swear to God, you'll grizz your shorts.

EXPLOSIVE: FEMALE RADIO PERSONALITY WRITES ABOUT HER INTIMATE ENCOUNTER WITH LIL KIM (PARENTAL DISCRETION IS ADVISED)

Labels: Hot Bitches, Pop Culture

Just the simple fact that the blogs in MySpace can't be cross-posted or imported.

If I write a blog post on this site, I can let Facebook import my XML Feed and blammo, instant cross-post into their Notes feature.

With MySpace, I literally have to manually copy and paste every blog post I write and re-post it in MySpace. For someone who posts regularly, this is an incredible pain in the ass. On top of that, MySpace's wysiwyg editor is complete crap. If I post markup that for example, has a <table> tag in it, MySpace thinks they're clever and scrubs it out and replaces it with bad markup. Their scrubbed markup is not even close to XHTML-compliant (or even HTML-compliant), so I'm limited in what I can actually post to MySpace.

Labels: Blogger, Blogging, Facebook, MySpace, Pop Culture, Technology

That's so awesome.

I was watching Jackass: Number Two and I saw that Johnny Knoxville has a Wawa logo tattooed on his upper left arm. Truly a testament to how awesome Wawas are. My guess would be that Bam Margera and his crew had some influence over that, since we know that Knoxville's not exactly from 'round here.

I think it's especially awesome because I worked for Wawa for two years. It just makes me happy that I've touched him in an indirect way. :)

Labels: Comedy, Movies, Pop Culture, Tattoos

My crazy-ass mother just called me. God I love her, but sometimes talking to her is like having a voluntary stroke.

She called to tell me that she was flipping through the channels and happened to come across the 2008 Pennsylvania Farm Show. She was watching the youth squaredancing events and was laughing her ass off because the caller was shouting out Country versions of KC and the Sunshine band type shit.

My father, who happened to be at my house doing laundry at the time, was present when she called and I put her on speakerphone. My mother was tickled pink that she was watching fucking squaredancing. At one point in this surreal moment, she uttered the phrase, "That's what the kids need today, more squaredancing, less blowjobs."

First off, why are you watching the fucking PA Farm Show? Is there really that little on? Is life really that boring? I mean, seriously.

Secondly, what the fuck? I'm not laughing my ass off. Not at the surreality of the farm show, but the absurdity of the moment. I can't believe those words actually fell out of my own mother's mouth. I think I had a small mini-stroke.


OK, that being said, the point is actually valid. I remember when I left Upper Merion Area Middle School to go to the high school, every year I would hear these reports of how the middle school students were getting progressively worse. The kids were fucking animals. I would miss the bus to go home and mosey my ass down to the middle school to take their buses home (which left a half hour later). I was terrified to ride the bus home with these maniacs. I don't know what happened to the administration after I left, but they needed to get a serious grip on these kids.

More to the point, amongst those middle school horror tales, I would hear stories of these middle school kids getting caught giving blowjobs and handjobs for money in the hallways and stairwells. WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?

I could sense every year in high school that the middle school was getting worse. That was ten years ago. I can only imagine what adolescent kids are like today.

I think part of the problem is that kids today have far too much, gotten way too easily. They are in a word, spoiled. They YouTube generation is taking over. Kids today have cellphones, texting, and the internet at their fingertips. Kids today are being raised without a sense of work ethic. They don't have to work at all for the things they want. They just say "I want, I want! Gimme, gimme!" Couple that with parents becoming less and less "hands-on", kids have no sense of consequence to their actions. "I do what I want, when I want, and fuck you for asking!"

Kids today have no healthy preoccupations. Organized sports and activities are taking a nosedive nation-wide. Kids have nothing better to do than to contemplate ever-more inventive ways ways of getting into trouble. Is it any fucking wonder kids are giving blowjobs in the halls. Do you remember that colored bracelet shit? Where each color represented some sexual act performed. Jeeeezus Fucking Christ! Maybe they should take up squaredancing. At least it would give them some structure in their lives.

I've said it before, I'll say it again. I'm no prude, but where the hell do we go from here? How much farther can society drop? God I sound old, but what the hell? You know what's funny? I sound like that typical You don't understand my generation parent. It's funny because my parents absolutely were NOT that type of parent. I just want that when I have children, that they don't have the means, or the facilities to fuck up to this magnitude.

As Chris Rock said, "They don't grade fathers, but if your daughter's a stripper, you fucked up."

Labels: Pop Culture, Rants, Society

Lifetime TV is launching a new show this season called How To Look Good Naked. A new type of makeover show in the vein of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, hosted by Carson Kressley.

I love the concept of this show. It teaches full-sized women to love their bodies. That they shouldn't have to resort to extreme dieting or cosmetic surgery, trying to look like magazine models. Self-image is one of the biggest psychological issues among full-sized women. No matter how beautiful these women are, they never see themselves as such. As long as they see that they are not a size zero, they won't believe that they are beautiful. It's a crying shame.

Did you know that four out of five American women today say they are are dissatisfied with their bodies?

I hate that fashion industry-driven projection that women should look like toothpicks and Barbie dolls. In fact I hate a bony bitch. Women are subjected to this barrage of imagery that tells them that their bodies aren't good enough. I have news for you, ladies. Even those sacks of anorexia aren't as thin as they appear. Repeat the following words after me, "Airbrush, Photoshop, CGI, Digital Enhancement, Eating Disorder"

Something else I saw to this effect was the release of a photography book by Leonard Nimoy (yes, Mr. Spock) called "The Full Body Project" in which he used very Rubenesque full-figured nude models. The book can be viewed as almost an indictment of Hollywood and the glamour machine that spoon feeds the message that women should be a size zero. I'm very proud of him for doing such bold work.



I'm not a chubby-chaser or anything, but I do appreciate a full-figured woman. I like a woman with a little meat on her bones. Nothing wrong with that. More than that, I like a woman that's got a little size, but is confident with her shit. There's nothing more sexy than confidence. There's nothing less sexy to me than insecurity. I know that's a backwards-ass statement coming from my fat ass, who's very insecure about my weight.

On the other hand, though I'd love nothing more than to drop like a hundy, I also have self-image expectations set in reality. I work with what I've got. Sometimes I don't always dress the best for my body, but I do clean up good. especially lately. I make the sexy work for me.

There's nothing wrong with thinking you're sexy. If you think it, you will project it. If you believe that you are, then you are.


Bottom line, be proud of what you have. If you could lose a few pounds, well ok. Couldn't we all? Just don't let Cosmo tell you what your body should look like.



'How To Look Good Naked' Becomes Most-Watched Reality Series Premiere in Lifetime...
How To Look Good Naked by Leonard Nimoy
The Full Body Project by Leonard Nimoy

Labels: Fitness, Life, Pop Culture, Society, TV

You know, Facebook kicks so much ass over MySpace.

MySpace is good for a public identity. Like if you're a band or a comic or a celebrity or something and you need a web presence, MySpace is the way to do it. It's a quick way to get a feature-laden web site up for free with built-in publicity. Easy. Simple. Done.

Facebook on the other hand is much better for the personal level of social networking. In stark contrast to MySpace, you're not riddled with random friend requests, otherwise known as MySpace Spam. Friends on Facebook are grouped by their affiliation with you (high school, college, job, etc.) making them much easier to find because they are targeted searches. you will actually have a network of your friends. MySpace is kind of a free-for-all. Any random schmuck will try to be your friend.

Facebook is MUCH cleaner, prettier, more functional than MySpace. MySpace offers its users the ability to customize their layout, but that usually leads to someone putting as much garbage as they can in a layout, which then makes the layout slower, offensive, or non-functional to the casual viewer. When I just want to add you as a friend, I don't want to sit and wait for your layout to load, with your f***ed up graphics and your music player blasting Omarion at me. I just want to add you ass a friend. Some of m best friends on MySpace have the poorest choices in layouts.

Facebook has the ability to add and or design fun web applications which can be installed like plug-ins to a user's profile. This alone creates business/developer/strategic partnerships with Facebook, something MySpace is currently unable to capitalize on.

Facebook is geared much more to Web 2.0. If you don't know or understand what Web 2.0 is, then don't bother reading this section. Rather than having pages laden with large blocky advertisements and javascript errors like MySpace does, Facebook is slick, easy to use, easy to navigate, and takes advantage of those things that should be used when designing in Web 2.0, like AJAX. The bottom line is that Web 2.0 is supposed to be all about the user experience (usability). MySpace is clunky kludgy, hard to use, riddled with errors, and undergoes maintenance nearly every other week, which usually doesn't fix some of its major issues. Facebook on the other hand is clean, cutting edge, feature rich, functional, and very rarely (although I have spotted a few, no question) has errors. Or at least has significantly fewer errors than MySpace.

I've even heard multiple companies (including the one I work for) including Facebook applications as part of their overall product base. How often does that happen? Although, granted a lot of media (TV/Film/Radio/Music/Comedy) includes MySpace as part of publicity campaigns, so I will give them credit for that.

It seems like you could break down your major social networking sites like this:
Professional: LinkedIn
Media/Entertainment: MySpace
Personal: Facebook

Facebook just seems like more of a personal touch to me. Although yes, I will continue to use both, I'm going to begin gravitating more toward Facebook.

Labels: Blogging, Facebook, Games, iTunes, Javascript, MySpace, Pop Culture, Programming, Rants, Scams, Technology, Web Development

God Damn I hate that commercial!

There's this Pantene commercial out there that I can't f'ing get away from. It's got this ultra-fem emo jingle that drives me insane.

Here is a snippet of the lyrics.

Standing in the bedroom
Before you open up the dirty window
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin.


Oh my god I want to commit homicide every time I hear it. It's not that the commercial is terribly unpleasant. It's not. It's that I hear it every fucking five minutes! I've heard it for the last three months and I can't escape it. I'll hear it on the TV in another room and I'll RUN across the house to turn the TV off.

Aaaarrrrrgh!!!!

Lord knows I've played my share of Emo. I've even played in a couple of predominantly female bands. Some were even man-hating feminazis. I have very little against Emo. If that's your thing, play your little heart out.
I just HATE THIS FUCKING SONG! Mostly because it's absolutely inescapable. It's on every channel. Every commercial break. Pantene, PLEASE find another commercial so that we no longer have to be subjected to this.

Labels: Advertising, Pop Culture, Rants, TV

This is my barely coherent, rant on tattoos and piercings in popular culture today. Feel free to sound off on this. This is just my opinion.

You know, I remember exactly when it was that tattoos became a fashion statement. It was around 1997. I remember I was a junior in high school. I was sitting in Chemistry class and Dave Lacey, a 16-year old sophomore football player came into class with a blue & gold tattoo around his bicep.

This was it. Tattoos had officially become part of popular culture. When a 16-year old's parents authorize him to get a tattoo, it's no longer tabooo.

Right around then, the popularity of body art had really exploded. Camryn Manheim (The Practice) had eighty-nine earrings in her ear, Rosanna Arquette (Pulp Fiction) had 16 various piercings. Kids wanted to follow along. Tribal tattoos, barbed wire tattoos, and nipple, eyebrow, nose, belly button, clitoral piercings and tongue studs were the latest trends in the mid-to-late nineties.

I remember there was this wannabe rebel freshman girl who was in the choir. She was a really excellent soprano. She had every chance to excel, but somehow had that mental wiring that made her sabotage everything good. She started hinting to the choir director that she wanted to get a piercing. She would drop questions like, "If I get a tongue stud, how will that affect my voice?" The response was, "If you get a tongue stud, you're out of my choir." So of course she got the stud.

Anyway, back to the point. It used to be that a tattoo was a badge of rebellion. If you were a dude and you got a tat, you were a bad ass, hands down. Before then, you only got a tattoo if you were in prison or in the Navy.

If you were a chick and you had a tattoo (which was almost unheard of), you were a total slut. Usually in the good way. If it was on your ass, you could be that librarian/secretary in public, but a wildcat behind closed doors. You know what I mean?

That's how it used to be, anyway.

In the nineties, every drunken fratboy had a barbed wire tattoo or tribal patterns. Every chick had a flower or a dolphin in the small of her back or her ankle.

Nowadays, it's out of control. Tattoos used to mean something. Whether it was a badge of honor, or a display of passion or self expression. It was something.

Today everyone and their momma has a tattoo. Kids have nothing better to do. Tattoos are nothing more than an accessory. Something to go with their Prada handbag. 10 years ago the concept of having a cuff or a sleeve was reserved for those who were truly hardcore. Today, everyone is covered in tats. It's not uncommon to see people with more ink than skin.

It's just that tats and piercings are so commonplace in the new millennium, that they've lost all value. If someone says, "I have a tattoo" Yeah, well so does everybody. There's no shock value in anything anymore.

Tats would have gotten you disowned from your family ten years ago. Today, you could sit down at the family dinner table and discuss your fresh ink. It's so commercial that there are multiple television shows around tattoos artists.

PLEASE don't get me wrong.

I'm not against tattoos or piercings. I even have a few, myself. I have a treble clef on my left bicep, which means a great deal to me. It wasn't just a whim like people get. I had been planning on getting this symbol of my passion since I was a teenager. I have three piercings in my left ear, one in my right, and I've had my right eyebrow pierced more times than I can remember.

Anyone has the right to do whatever they want with their body. It's not my place to say what anyone else should do. It's just that people are getting more and tats which mean nothing to them. just because they saw something on TV. People get Chinese writing on their necks because it's trendy.

Ordinarily, I think tattoos on a woman can be ultra sexy if done tastefully and discreetly. One or two only. Small and somewhere like an ankle or the small of the back, or even on a hip. It's kind of like a little treasure. Not a friggin' billboard across your stomach.

I was at orientation for YellowBook and there was this girl with at least four tattoos below the sleeve line and two more on her neck. No one batted an eye.

I just wonder where we'll be in another ten years. Less and less shocks us. What is left? I've gone to strip clubs and seen strippers that were literally covered in tats. I wasn't even shocked. It's not so much about the tats themselves, but about how easily people will get them and the fact that it's of little or no consequence.

I don't know. That's just my opinion. I could be wrong.

Labels: Hot Bitches, Life, Philosophizing, Pop Culture, Rants, Society, Tattoos

It just makes me laugh sometimes how technology is so well integrated into popular culture today. I was watching TV the other day and the commercial for the new episode of Psych on USA, featuring Lou Diamond Phillips came on.

He just blythely leans in to someone and says, "So, do you have a MySpace page or something?"

Has MySpace become the new substitute for getting digits? Did I miss this memo? Phenomenons like MySpace and Friendster and blogging in general have become so pervasive to modern society. So prolific that it's difficult to imagine a kid surviving without the ability to text his buddy in the next room.

Have I gotten so old that I think all of this is just silly?
Oh, yeah. BTW - Check out MY MySpace page

Labels: Comedy, Pop Culture, Rants, Society, Technology, TV