Have you seen the commercials for Nutrisystem with Jillian Barberie?

They say she lost 41 pounds. Did you hear me, butterfly? 41 pounds!!! When was she EVER that big? Don't you think we would have noticed that shit (and complained about it) by now? As much as she's on TV? Come on.

Did you see that photoshopped-ass before picture? There's no frikkin' way She could have snuck and got that big. Who are you trying to bullshit? Maybe you lost 41 pounds in your tits!


Even better is the one with Larry The Cable Guy. "I lost 50 pounds with Nutrisystem" I got news for ya, Larr. Yer still a fatshit.


Who says there's no truth in advertising?

Labels: Advertising, Fitness, Health, Hot Bitches, Rants, TV

Went to Arby's tonight, because dad gave me coupons. Tried their new cheesecake bites. Awesome.

Hot little cheesecake nuggets with a raspberry dipping sauce. Schweet. Although...

I looked in my bag and there was a little tub of some sauce called Bronco Berry Sauce. I read the fine print on the label which mentioned high fructose corn syrup, red peppers, jalapenos and garlic. Something didn't sound right. Berries and peppers?

I have to admit I was curious. I cracked the seal on it and the smell was just fucking horrendous! God damn, that shit was awful. Of all the smells I could have expected when combining those two particular flavors, that was just fucking wrong! I put a tiny dab on my tongue and it was just as bad as I expected. Eww, eww, eww! I actually started to gag from the taste.

Whose fucking idea was this? What planet did you come from where you might have thought this marriage made in hell would have tasted good. Come to find out that Arby's has even more revolting demonically-inspired sauce flavors launching, like Peachapeno. What the fuck is a Peachapeno?

That shit ain't right.

Labels: Food, Rants

My crazy-ass mother just called me. God I love her, but sometimes talking to her is like having a voluntary stroke.

She called to tell me that she was flipping through the channels and happened to come across the 2008 Pennsylvania Farm Show. She was watching the youth squaredancing events and was laughing her ass off because the caller was shouting out Country versions of KC and the Sunshine band type shit.

My father, who happened to be at my house doing laundry at the time, was present when she called and I put her on speakerphone. My mother was tickled pink that she was watching fucking squaredancing. At one point in this surreal moment, she uttered the phrase, "That's what the kids need today, more squaredancing, less blowjobs."

First off, why are you watching the fucking PA Farm Show? Is there really that little on? Is life really that boring? I mean, seriously.

Secondly, what the fuck? I'm not laughing my ass off. Not at the surreality of the farm show, but the absurdity of the moment. I can't believe those words actually fell out of my own mother's mouth. I think I had a small mini-stroke.


OK, that being said, the point is actually valid. I remember when I left Upper Merion Area Middle School to go to the high school, every year I would hear these reports of how the middle school students were getting progressively worse. The kids were fucking animals. I would miss the bus to go home and mosey my ass down to the middle school to take their buses home (which left a half hour later). I was terrified to ride the bus home with these maniacs. I don't know what happened to the administration after I left, but they needed to get a serious grip on these kids.

More to the point, amongst those middle school horror tales, I would hear stories of these middle school kids getting caught giving blowjobs and handjobs for money in the hallways and stairwells. WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?

I could sense every year in high school that the middle school was getting worse. That was ten years ago. I can only imagine what adolescent kids are like today.

I think part of the problem is that kids today have far too much, gotten way too easily. They are in a word, spoiled. They YouTube generation is taking over. Kids today have cellphones, texting, and the internet at their fingertips. Kids today are being raised without a sense of work ethic. They don't have to work at all for the things they want. They just say "I want, I want! Gimme, gimme!" Couple that with parents becoming less and less "hands-on", kids have no sense of consequence to their actions. "I do what I want, when I want, and fuck you for asking!"

Kids today have no healthy preoccupations. Organized sports and activities are taking a nosedive nation-wide. Kids have nothing better to do than to contemplate ever-more inventive ways ways of getting into trouble. Is it any fucking wonder kids are giving blowjobs in the halls. Do you remember that colored bracelet shit? Where each color represented some sexual act performed. Jeeeezus Fucking Christ! Maybe they should take up squaredancing. At least it would give them some structure in their lives.

I've said it before, I'll say it again. I'm no prude, but where the hell do we go from here? How much farther can society drop? God I sound old, but what the hell? You know what's funny? I sound like that typical You don't understand my generation parent. It's funny because my parents absolutely were NOT that type of parent. I just want that when I have children, that they don't have the means, or the facilities to fuck up to this magnitude.

As Chris Rock said, "They don't grade fathers, but if your daughter's a stripper, you fucked up."

Labels: Pop Culture, Rants, Society

So I stopped in to my local Hooters last night after work and got a couple of beers and a burger.

Lo and behold, as I was sitting at my table enjoying my dinner and the view, a group of like 15-year old kids walk in. Two twerps and their little blonde girlfriends. They sit down and order and socialize like it's the fucking Denny's. WTF!?! First, if you're a girl, wouldn't you have a problem with your boyfriend going to Hooters? Much less joining him? Nothing caps off a long day of mall shopping like a trip to Hooters. Second, no one batted an eye when they came in. Not the servers, not the managers, no one. They just sat there, smoking cigarettes, eating their food, and giggling.

Pile on top of that, an entire family comes in to eat. Mom, Dad, three adolescent boys and one adolescent girl. They actually seemed excited to be there. I kept picturing a scenario in my mind where each member of the family got to choose where to eat and it was one of the boys' turn. The mom wasn't even taken aback at anything. Shouldn't you have some reservations about your family dining at Hooters?

The last time I was at this Hooters, we thought it was Bring Your Baby to Hooters Day. There were like two or three groups of guys swilling beer right next to their babies in high chairs.

I remember before that, this past summer, I was at Hooters for lunch with the guys at GHR and there was quite literally a busload of summer camp kids. All boys. Now this one I could understand. Some counselor was like, "Alright, nobody say nuthin'". I bet it was like some secret field trip that their parents' weren't supposed to find out about.


It's a different world. For sure. I'm not a prude. Far from it, but what the fuck is happening to our society? Hooters used to be a place where guys could go to escape their wives and go see some near-T'n'A. A pervert's paradise. One step up from the strip club, yet still socially close to acceptable. Nowadays it's an accepted practice. Huh? Where do we draw the line? In another ten years will it be Bring Your Daughter to the Strip Club Day? Why don't you fill out an application for her while you're at it?

What the hell?

Labels: Bars, Hot Bitches, Rants, Strip clubs

You know, Facebook kicks so much ass over MySpace.

MySpace is good for a public identity. Like if you're a band or a comic or a celebrity or something and you need a web presence, MySpace is the way to do it. It's a quick way to get a feature-laden web site up for free with built-in publicity. Easy. Simple. Done.

Facebook on the other hand is much better for the personal level of social networking. In stark contrast to MySpace, you're not riddled with random friend requests, otherwise known as MySpace Spam. Friends on Facebook are grouped by their affiliation with you (high school, college, job, etc.) making them much easier to find because they are targeted searches. you will actually have a network of your friends. MySpace is kind of a free-for-all. Any random schmuck will try to be your friend.

Facebook is MUCH cleaner, prettier, more functional than MySpace. MySpace offers its users the ability to customize their layout, but that usually leads to someone putting as much garbage as they can in a layout, which then makes the layout slower, offensive, or non-functional to the casual viewer. When I just want to add you as a friend, I don't want to sit and wait for your layout to load, with your f***ed up graphics and your music player blasting Omarion at me. I just want to add you ass a friend. Some of m best friends on MySpace have the poorest choices in layouts.

Facebook has the ability to add and or design fun web applications which can be installed like plug-ins to a user's profile. This alone creates business/developer/strategic partnerships with Facebook, something MySpace is currently unable to capitalize on.

Facebook is geared much more to Web 2.0. If you don't know or understand what Web 2.0 is, then don't bother reading this section. Rather than having pages laden with large blocky advertisements and javascript errors like MySpace does, Facebook is slick, easy to use, easy to navigate, and takes advantage of those things that should be used when designing in Web 2.0, like AJAX. The bottom line is that Web 2.0 is supposed to be all about the user experience (usability). MySpace is clunky kludgy, hard to use, riddled with errors, and undergoes maintenance nearly every other week, which usually doesn't fix some of its major issues. Facebook on the other hand is clean, cutting edge, feature rich, functional, and very rarely (although I have spotted a few, no question) has errors. Or at least has significantly fewer errors than MySpace.

I've even heard multiple companies (including the one I work for) including Facebook applications as part of their overall product base. How often does that happen? Although, granted a lot of media (TV/Film/Radio/Music/Comedy) includes MySpace as part of publicity campaigns, so I will give them credit for that.

It seems like you could break down your major social networking sites like this:
Professional: LinkedIn
Media/Entertainment: MySpace
Personal: Facebook

Facebook just seems like more of a personal touch to me. Although yes, I will continue to use both, I'm going to begin gravitating more toward Facebook.

Labels: Blogging, Facebook, Games, iTunes, Javascript, MySpace, Pop Culture, Programming, Rants, Scams, Technology, Web Development

God Damn I hate that commercial!

There's this Pantene commercial out there that I can't f'ing get away from. It's got this ultra-fem emo jingle that drives me insane.

Here is a snippet of the lyrics.

Standing in the bedroom
Before you open up the dirty window
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin.


Oh my god I want to commit homicide every time I hear it. It's not that the commercial is terribly unpleasant. It's not. It's that I hear it every fucking five minutes! I've heard it for the last three months and I can't escape it. I'll hear it on the TV in another room and I'll RUN across the house to turn the TV off.

Aaaarrrrrgh!!!!

Lord knows I've played my share of Emo. I've even played in a couple of predominantly female bands. Some were even man-hating feminazis. I have very little against Emo. If that's your thing, play your little heart out.
I just HATE THIS FUCKING SONG! Mostly because it's absolutely inescapable. It's on every channel. Every commercial break. Pantene, PLEASE find another commercial so that we no longer have to be subjected to this.

Labels: Advertising, Pop Culture, Rants, TV

I should get shirts made.

They would read:

I AM NOT HER HUSBAND!!!


See, every Saturday, my mother and I go out for breakfast. It's kind of our weekly tradition. Only because she looks so young, people always seem to mistake us for husband and wife. People are astonished when we tell them that we are mother and son. It's also kind of unexpeted. Who takes their mother out for breakfast every week?

It's just funny, that's all. Since I've been an adult it's always been that way. It's either a huge compliment to how young she looks or it's ... OK let's not go there.

Labels: Family, Food, Life, Rants

OK, we've proved it twice now. AJ Feely is NOT a better quarterback than Donovan McNabb.

Two consecutive weeks, Feely has thrown an interception on both the opening play and the play to end the game for the Eagles, sealing their losses.

Against New England, it was like damn, we have a chance to not fuck this up. Oh wait. Who are we? The Eagles. Nevermind. We could have been the only team to have beaten the Patriots. What a tremendous moral victory that would have been.

In the games that he's started for us, Feely has made more bad decisions than Donovan has made good.

Labels: Rants, Sports

You know, I still can't turn on the TV without seeing Martha Stewart's fucking face. It was bad enough during all that insider trading horseshit. But now, she's still going at it full force. With lines of products in not only KMart AND Macy's stores, her commercials are freaking EVERYWHERE. I can't escape her. I will admit, I bought a set of her sheets, but it's because they were the brand that was in the store.

I so do not care if her name is on a product line. If anything, it will make me want to shop at your store even less if I see her.

Stinking media whore.

Labels: Rants, TV

The Heroes marathon continues. The 2nd season continues on G4 and I've been watching non stop. I don't know if I can only watch one episode a week starting Monday. Hehe.

Now, if Tawny Cypress was fine, Heroes is additionally enhanced with the addition of Dania Ramirez, playing Maya, a Guatemalan girl (though she's Dominican but sounds like she's straight up from the Bronx) who's power manifest when she becomes upset. She bleeds from the eyes and everyone around her begins to die. She cannot control it and the only thing that can stop it is her twin brother Alejandro. Y'all already know how hot Dania Ramirez is. God the hot women factor alone is enough to watch this show. Although, I don't necessarily like the fact that G4 took a poll of who's hotter, comparing Hayden Panettiere to Ali Larter. Not because they're both white, but because Hayden is like 16. Grown ass men are replying "She's so much hotter". Dude, she's a child! I could understand teenage boys, but not grown-ass men. The better poll question is Who's hotter: Tawny or Dania? Nice.

I really hope that she gets away from Sylar safely so that I can see more of her. Nice.

Hiro is so adorable. He's just so hard up. He's like a little Japanese teddy bear that can't get none.

Check out the Star Trek links to Heroes. First, Sulu, then Uhura, then the guy playing Sylar, Zachary Quinto, is going to play Spock in the forthcoming Star Trek XI movie. If you look at him, he is perfect to play the part of a young Lenny Nimoy. For now, he is doing a fantastic job as a sociopath. Show creator, Tim Kring discusses on the first live post show on G4 how it started as a cpmolete and total coincidence.

Here's a thought for people who have already seen season 1. If Simone Deveaux's father (Richard Roundtree) is part of this first generation of heroes that's slowly being revealed, shouldn't she have powers too? It's seems that these powers are hereditary. So the question is...Is she really dead?

Also, did anyone else notice that when Peter Petrelli had his vision of the evacuation at the end of this week's episode, that there was a billboard of Isaac Mendez' painting depicting the Muscle Mimic girl from New Orleans (Micah's cousin) in the background? If you look even closer several of the billboards in the scene were Isaac Mendez' paintings. You think that could be a clue? Hehe.

Something I've been missing. Why do they call Mr. Bennet H.R.G.? I haven't seen any scene where they tell me what that means or even anyone in the show call him that. Maybe I just missed it. Nevermind. I just caught it on the replay of the live post show on G4 as I'm writing this post. Stands for Horned Rimmed Glasses.

A side note to G4. Please get some more commercials. I've watched a total of 24 hours of G4 in the last two weeks, and they've only ever played like the same four commercials. Do you know how annoying that is? I'm starting to see them in my dreams now. G4 is now becoming my own personal Nightmare Man. Seriously, though.

Labels: Hot Bitches, Rants, TV

Here I am on a Sunday night, backing up my files from my laptop yet again. I have to reinstall my OS because some shit I installed trashed my Wireless adapter, causing my services (services.exe) to crash every time I boot up. F-Guk! I have another three days of reinstalling software to look forward to.

What prompted me to install this crap ass software was me getting banned from allmusic.com. I needed something to disguise my IP address. I should have just went with TOR like everyone else. Instead, I went with the first thing I found on Google and tried to download a cracked version which had several trojans in it. My Anti-Virus software stripped out the trojans like it should have, but left the installer in a fucked up state. Dammit. Should have known better, but this is why I do this type of shit on MY PC.

Oh well. Maybe this time I won't install quite so much shit. I may actually have room for my music library (which is well over 45 GB) and my software to coexist on the same box. At some point, probably not until after Christmas, I will buy a new laptop with a substantially bigger hard drive. I'm going to try for 200 GB at least. I'll probably end up selling my laptop to Alan for cheap, or just giving it to someone who needs a laptop.

Labels: Rants, Technology, Web Development

This is my barely coherent, rant on tattoos and piercings in popular culture today. Feel free to sound off on this. This is just my opinion.

You know, I remember exactly when it was that tattoos became a fashion statement. It was around 1997. I remember I was a junior in high school. I was sitting in Chemistry class and Dave Lacey, a 16-year old sophomore football player came into class with a blue & gold tattoo around his bicep.

This was it. Tattoos had officially become part of popular culture. When a 16-year old's parents authorize him to get a tattoo, it's no longer tabooo.

Right around then, the popularity of body art had really exploded. Camryn Manheim (The Practice) had eighty-nine earrings in her ear, Rosanna Arquette (Pulp Fiction) had 16 various piercings. Kids wanted to follow along. Tribal tattoos, barbed wire tattoos, and nipple, eyebrow, nose, belly button, clitoral piercings and tongue studs were the latest trends in the mid-to-late nineties.

I remember there was this wannabe rebel freshman girl who was in the choir. She was a really excellent soprano. She had every chance to excel, but somehow had that mental wiring that made her sabotage everything good. She started hinting to the choir director that she wanted to get a piercing. She would drop questions like, "If I get a tongue stud, how will that affect my voice?" The response was, "If you get a tongue stud, you're out of my choir." So of course she got the stud.

Anyway, back to the point. It used to be that a tattoo was a badge of rebellion. If you were a dude and you got a tat, you were a bad ass, hands down. Before then, you only got a tattoo if you were in prison or in the Navy.

If you were a chick and you had a tattoo (which was almost unheard of), you were a total slut. Usually in the good way. If it was on your ass, you could be that librarian/secretary in public, but a wildcat behind closed doors. You know what I mean?

That's how it used to be, anyway.

In the nineties, every drunken fratboy had a barbed wire tattoo or tribal patterns. Every chick had a flower or a dolphin in the small of her back or her ankle.

Nowadays, it's out of control. Tattoos used to mean something. Whether it was a badge of honor, or a display of passion or self expression. It was something.

Today everyone and their momma has a tattoo. Kids have nothing better to do. Tattoos are nothing more than an accessory. Something to go with their Prada handbag. 10 years ago the concept of having a cuff or a sleeve was reserved for those who were truly hardcore. Today, everyone is covered in tats. It's not uncommon to see people with more ink than skin.

It's just that tats and piercings are so commonplace in the new millennium, that they've lost all value. If someone says, "I have a tattoo" Yeah, well so does everybody. There's no shock value in anything anymore.

Tats would have gotten you disowned from your family ten years ago. Today, you could sit down at the family dinner table and discuss your fresh ink. It's so commercial that there are multiple television shows around tattoos artists.

PLEASE don't get me wrong.

I'm not against tattoos or piercings. I even have a few, myself. I have a treble clef on my left bicep, which means a great deal to me. It wasn't just a whim like people get. I had been planning on getting this symbol of my passion since I was a teenager. I have three piercings in my left ear, one in my right, and I've had my right eyebrow pierced more times than I can remember.

Anyone has the right to do whatever they want with their body. It's not my place to say what anyone else should do. It's just that people are getting more and tats which mean nothing to them. just because they saw something on TV. People get Chinese writing on their necks because it's trendy.

Ordinarily, I think tattoos on a woman can be ultra sexy if done tastefully and discreetly. One or two only. Small and somewhere like an ankle or the small of the back, or even on a hip. It's kind of like a little treasure. Not a friggin' billboard across your stomach.

I was at orientation for YellowBook and there was this girl with at least four tattoos below the sleeve line and two more on her neck. No one batted an eye.

I just wonder where we'll be in another ten years. Less and less shocks us. What is left? I've gone to strip clubs and seen strippers that were literally covered in tats. I wasn't even shocked. It's not so much about the tats themselves, but about how easily people will get them and the fact that it's of little or no consequence.

I don't know. That's just my opinion. I could be wrong.

Labels: Hot Bitches, Life, Philosophizing, Pop Culture, Rants, Society, Tattoos

You know I like Hunt's pudding (affectionately referred to as Ka-Hunt's pudding) because it's cheap and it's tasty. But sometimes you get what you pay for. Other brands of pudding, like Jell-O or Swiss Miss are smooth and creamy. Hunt's shit is THINK. Seriously. I mean THICK. You could spackle walls with that shit.

It's still good, though. :)

Labels: Food, Rants

I mean, seriously. I like this movie a lot. I wouldn't say it's Scorcese's greatest work, but it's damn good.

It's now Wednesday, and I've seen this movie 7 times since it premiered on Cinemax on Saturday. There's something to be said about oversaturation. This is why I find that there's nothing on, even though I have over 300 channels of TV to watch. It's because I've seen everything that they air because they show it nine hundred times before they decide they're sick of it.

Yeesh!

Labels: Movies, Rants, TV

You know blogging has been good for me. It keeps me from writing the book I've always wanted to, I'm OK, You're OK, but that mother fucker...

If I were to write that it would be a cynical, incessant rant on the stupidity and gullibility of the American public. Truly a jaded view of the world. I would have so many pseudo-psychological theories as to why people are the way they are and how to deal with them.

At least with blogging, I get to vent in small increments. Im' a very take no prisoners kind of guy.

Oh well. Maybe someday I'll still write the book. I would probably make a mint from it. But for now, I'll just stick to this.

Labels: Blogging, Rants

So I had another employment agency interview today. This time with MacArthur Associates. They're located in Center City at 16th & Market. Basically across from City Hall.

First off, I wasn't going to drive down. It would be a complete waste of gas. The only place to park is right on Market Street in front of a building; good luck with that, or in a parking garage which is going to cost an exorbitent amount of money. If I were going to work in Philadelphia, it would cost like $22 a day. That's like $5,200 a year just for parking.

So what's my alternative? SEPTA. FUCK!!!

I'd have to drive to Bridgeport or Norristown which would take at least a half-hour without traffic. Then get on the train which would also cost an obscene amount of money. With SEPTA gouging prices and now they're doing away with transfers, it would cost $3.10 to get on the Rt. 100 to 69th St. and transfer to the El (Market/Frankford Line) each way. During peak hours that would take at least another hour and a half.

That's just the bitching part of this rant.

OK so on the way down on the Rt. 100, this loud ass heffer on her cell phone was cussin' her ass off on her cell phone. Ignorant cooz, don't you know you're disturbing everyone on the train? Don't nobody wanna hear that shit. Shut the fuck up!

The rest of the passengers and I were just shooting each other looks like, "This heffer..." On the plus side, I got to share some eye contact with some good-lookin' honeys. There was this one that was a nurse wearing green scubs. Mmm. There's just something about nurses. There was also this one in a pink top that was just bangin'.

There was also this little 17-year old eyeballin' me like a piece of steak. Baby, I'm flattered. Your little ass is cute, but you don't got nothin' I want. I mean damn, in my interview gear I look good. Damn good. So fresh, so clean. Meaner than a broke-dick dog in fact. Got to beat 'em off with a stick.

OK, so now I'm down at 69th St. Damn. I forgot about the fucking El construction, so Market Street is closed from 69th St. to 40th St. There are damn shuttle buses that herd us in like so much cattle and move ever so slowly through West Philly traffic. Then you leave the buses and move underground to take the rest of the El at high speed. You ever wonder why the Elevated Train goes underground?

Anyway, after a 2 hour commute, I had a rinky dink 25 minute meeting then had to go right back. Well I wasn't ready to endure mass transit for another 2 hours just yet. So I walked around Center City for a little bit. Right around City Hall and Love Park is a great place to just people watch. On days I would go downtown, on my lunch breaks, I would sit in the courtyard of the Centre Square bulding and just people watch for hours. Yes, hours. On a good day, you see so many honeys go by.

Repeat commute in reverse. Only this time, When the El shuttle dropped my off, I decided to take myself a little smoke break. I'm just standing there minding my own business. And this orca of a dude just walks up and start a conversation.

OK. It must be me. I must have the face that draws in the crazies. To look at this dude you might think he was perfectly normal. Just some average blue-collar worker. When he approached me, I thought he wanted a cigarette or something. I don't exactly know what he was saying to me. Something about how some lowlife brotha was beating on his sister and if he called the sheriffs, they'd take his house away. And you know, the women don't like it when they don't have no place to live.

Now because I'm not a complete and total dick, on the outside, I was just smiling and nodding, "Yeah, you're right. No, they don't like that." I was very nice to him. :|

On the inside, I was screaming, "Will you get the fuck away from me?!?!? Take your retarded ass on down the road! Seriously, move the fuck on!" Maybe because I was in a suit, he thought I was his caseworker or something.

Eventually he moved on, still kind of muttering to himself. I took a couple more minutes and finished my cigarette. I moved through the concourse and got on the Rt. 100 to head back towards Bridgeport. Guess who's on the damn train? My new buddy, sitting right at the front of the car with an open seat right behind him. Dammit! Needless to say, I quickly grabbed a seat near the back of the car and prayed he never turned around for fear he might start another conversation.

So, 4 hours on mass transit and a blown afternoon later, people still wonder why I don't want to work in Philadelphia. Oh, and did I mention the city wage tax?

Labels: Job Hunting, Rants, Work