Have you seen the commercials for Nutrisystem with Jillian Barberie?

They say she lost 41 pounds. Did you hear me, butterfly? 41 pounds!!! When was she EVER that big? Don't you think we would have noticed that shit (and complained about it) by now? As much as she's on TV? Come on.

Did you see that photoshopped-ass before picture? There's no frikkin' way She could have snuck and got that big. Who are you trying to bullshit? Maybe you lost 41 pounds in your tits!


Even better is the one with Larry The Cable Guy. "I lost 50 pounds with Nutrisystem" I got news for ya, Larr. Yer still a fatshit.


Who says there's no truth in advertising?

Labels: Advertising, Fitness, Health, Hot Bitches, Rants, TV

Went to Arby's tonight, because dad gave me coupons. Tried their new cheesecake bites. Awesome.

Hot little cheesecake nuggets with a raspberry dipping sauce. Schweet. Although...

I looked in my bag and there was a little tub of some sauce called Bronco Berry Sauce. I read the fine print on the label which mentioned high fructose corn syrup, red peppers, jalapenos and garlic. Something didn't sound right. Berries and peppers?

I have to admit I was curious. I cracked the seal on it and the smell was just fucking horrendous! God damn, that shit was awful. Of all the smells I could have expected when combining those two particular flavors, that was just fucking wrong! I put a tiny dab on my tongue and it was just as bad as I expected. Eww, eww, eww! I actually started to gag from the taste.

Whose fucking idea was this? What planet did you come from where you might have thought this marriage made in hell would have tasted good. Come to find out that Arby's has even more revolting demonically-inspired sauce flavors launching, like Peachapeno. What the fuck is a Peachapeno?

That shit ain't right.

Labels: Food, Rants

My crazy-ass mother just called me. God I love her, but sometimes talking to her is like having a voluntary stroke.

She called to tell me that she was flipping through the channels and happened to come across the 2008 Pennsylvania Farm Show. She was watching the youth squaredancing events and was laughing her ass off because the caller was shouting out Country versions of KC and the Sunshine band type shit.

My father, who happened to be at my house doing laundry at the time, was present when she called and I put her on speakerphone. My mother was tickled pink that she was watching fucking squaredancing. At one point in this surreal moment, she uttered the phrase, "That's what the kids need today, more squaredancing, less blowjobs."

First off, why are you watching the fucking PA Farm Show? Is there really that little on? Is life really that boring? I mean, seriously.

Secondly, what the fuck? I'm not laughing my ass off. Not at the surreality of the farm show, but the absurdity of the moment. I can't believe those words actually fell out of my own mother's mouth. I think I had a small mini-stroke.


OK, that being said, the point is actually valid. I remember when I left Upper Merion Area Middle School to go to the high school, every year I would hear these reports of how the middle school students were getting progressively worse. The kids were fucking animals. I would miss the bus to go home and mosey my ass down to the middle school to take their buses home (which left a half hour later). I was terrified to ride the bus home with these maniacs. I don't know what happened to the administration after I left, but they needed to get a serious grip on these kids.

More to the point, amongst those middle school horror tales, I would hear stories of these middle school kids getting caught giving blowjobs and handjobs for money in the hallways and stairwells. WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?

I could sense every year in high school that the middle school was getting worse. That was ten years ago. I can only imagine what adolescent kids are like today.

I think part of the problem is that kids today have far too much, gotten way too easily. They are in a word, spoiled. They YouTube generation is taking over. Kids today have cellphones, texting, and the internet at their fingertips. Kids today are being raised without a sense of work ethic. They don't have to work at all for the things they want. They just say "I want, I want! Gimme, gimme!" Couple that with parents becoming less and less "hands-on", kids have no sense of consequence to their actions. "I do what I want, when I want, and fuck you for asking!"

Kids today have no healthy preoccupations. Organized sports and activities are taking a nosedive nation-wide. Kids have nothing better to do than to contemplate ever-more inventive ways ways of getting into trouble. Is it any fucking wonder kids are giving blowjobs in the halls. Do you remember that colored bracelet shit? Where each color represented some sexual act performed. Jeeeezus Fucking Christ! Maybe they should take up squaredancing. At least it would give them some structure in their lives.

I've said it before, I'll say it again. I'm no prude, but where the hell do we go from here? How much farther can society drop? God I sound old, but what the hell? You know what's funny? I sound like that typical You don't understand my generation parent. It's funny because my parents absolutely were NOT that type of parent. I just want that when I have children, that they don't have the means, or the facilities to fuck up to this magnitude.

As Chris Rock said, "They don't grade fathers, but if your daughter's a stripper, you fucked up."

Labels: Pop Culture, Rants, Society

So I stopped in to my local Hooters last night after work and got a couple of beers and a burger.

Lo and behold, as I was sitting at my table enjoying my dinner and the view, a group of like 15-year old kids walk in. Two twerps and their little blonde girlfriends. They sit down and order and socialize like it's the fucking Denny's. WTF!?! First, if you're a girl, wouldn't you have a problem with your boyfriend going to Hooters? Much less joining him? Nothing caps off a long day of mall shopping like a trip to Hooters. Second, no one batted an eye when they came in. Not the servers, not the managers, no one. They just sat there, smoking cigarettes, eating their food, and giggling.

Pile on top of that, an entire family comes in to eat. Mom, Dad, three adolescent boys and one adolescent girl. They actually seemed excited to be there. I kept picturing a scenario in my mind where each member of the family got to choose where to eat and it was one of the boys' turn. The mom wasn't even taken aback at anything. Shouldn't you have some reservations about your family dining at Hooters?

The last time I was at this Hooters, we thought it was Bring Your Baby to Hooters Day. There were like two or three groups of guys swilling beer right next to their babies in high chairs.

I remember before that, this past summer, I was at Hooters for lunch with the guys at GHR and there was quite literally a busload of summer camp kids. All boys. Now this one I could understand. Some counselor was like, "Alright, nobody say nuthin'". I bet it was like some secret field trip that their parents' weren't supposed to find out about.


It's a different world. For sure. I'm not a prude. Far from it, but what the fuck is happening to our society? Hooters used to be a place where guys could go to escape their wives and go see some near-T'n'A. A pervert's paradise. One step up from the strip club, yet still socially close to acceptable. Nowadays it's an accepted practice. Huh? Where do we draw the line? In another ten years will it be Bring Your Daughter to the Strip Club Day? Why don't you fill out an application for her while you're at it?

What the hell?

Labels: Bars, Hot Bitches, Rants, Strip clubs

You know, Facebook kicks so much ass over MySpace.

MySpace is good for a public identity. Like if you're a band or a comic or a celebrity or something and you need a web presence, MySpace is the way to do it. It's a quick way to get a feature-laden web site up for free with built-in publicity. Easy. Simple. Done.

Facebook on the other hand is much better for the personal level of social networking. In stark contrast to MySpace, you're not riddled with random friend requests, otherwise known as MySpace Spam. Friends on Facebook are grouped by their affiliation with you (high school, college, job, etc.) making them much easier to find because they are targeted searches. you will actually have a network of your friends. MySpace is kind of a free-for-all. Any random schmuck will try to be your friend.

Facebook is MUCH cleaner, prettier, more functional than MySpace. MySpace offers its users the ability to customize their layout, but that usually leads to someone putting as much garbage as they can in a layout, which then makes the layout slower, offensive, or non-functional to the casual viewer. When I just want to add you as a friend, I don't want to sit and wait for your layout to load, with your f***ed up graphics and your music player blasting Omarion at me. I just want to add you ass a friend. Some of m best friends on MySpace have the poorest choices in layouts.

Facebook has the ability to add and or design fun web applications which can be installed like plug-ins to a user's profile. This alone creates business/developer/strategic partnerships with Facebook, something MySpace is currently unable to capitalize on.

Facebook is geared much more to Web 2.0. If you don't know or understand what Web 2.0 is, then don't bother reading this section. Rather than having pages laden with large blocky advertisements and javascript errors like MySpace does, Facebook is slick, easy to use, easy to navigate, and takes advantage of those things that should be used when designing in Web 2.0, like AJAX. The bottom line is that Web 2.0 is supposed to be all about the user experience (usability). MySpace is clunky kludgy, hard to use, riddled with errors, and undergoes maintenance nearly every other week, which usually doesn't fix some of its major issues. Facebook on the other hand is clean, cutting edge, feature rich, functional, and very rarely (although I have spotted a few, no question) has errors. Or at least has significantly fewer errors than MySpace.

I've even heard multiple companies (including the one I work for) including Facebook applications as part of their overall product base. How often does that happen? Although, granted a lot of media (TV/Film/Radio/Music/Comedy) includes MySpace as part of publicity campaigns, so I will give them credit for that.

It seems like you could break down your major social networking sites like this:
Professional: LinkedIn
Media/Entertainment: MySpace
Personal: Facebook

Facebook just seems like more of a personal touch to me. Although yes, I will continue to use both, I'm going to begin gravitating more toward Facebook.

Labels: Blogging, Facebook, Games, iTunes, Javascript, MySpace, Pop Culture, Programming, Rants, Scams, Technology, Web Development

God Damn I hate that commercial!

There's this Pantene commercial out there that I can't f'ing get away from. It's got this ultra-fem emo jingle that drives me insane.

Here is a snippet of the lyrics.

Standing in the bedroom
Before you open up the dirty window
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin.


Oh my god I want to commit homicide every time I hear it. It's not that the commercial is terribly unpleasant. It's not. It's that I hear it every fucking five minutes! I've heard it for the last three months and I can't escape it. I'll hear it on the TV in another room and I'll RUN across the house to turn the TV off.

Aaaarrrrrgh!!!!

Lord knows I've played my share of Emo. I've even played in a couple of predominantly female bands. Some were even man-hating feminazis. I have very little against Emo. If that's your thing, play your little heart out.
I just HATE THIS FUCKING SONG! Mostly because it's absolutely inescapable. It's on every channel. Every commercial break. Pantene, PLEASE find another commercial so that we no longer have to be subjected to this.

Labels: Advertising, Pop Culture, Rants, TV

I should get shirts made.

They would read:

I AM NOT HER HUSBAND!!!


See, every Saturday, my mother and I go out for breakfast. It's kind of our weekly tradition. Only because she looks so young, people always seem to mistake us for husband and wife. People are astonished when we tell them that we are mother and son. It's also kind of unexpeted. Who takes their mother out for breakfast every week?

It's just funny, that's all. Since I've been an adult it's always been that way. It's either a huge compliment to how young she looks or it's ... OK let's not go there.

Labels: Family, Food, Life, Rants

OK, we've proved it twice now. AJ Feely is NOT a better quarterback than Donovan McNabb.

Two consecutive weeks, Feely has thrown an interception on both the opening play and the play to end the game for the Eagles, sealing their losses.

Against New England, it was like damn, we have a chance to not fuck this up. Oh wait. Who are we? The Eagles. Nevermind. We could have been the only team to have beaten the Patriots. What a tremendous moral victory that would have been.

In the games that he's started for us, Feely has made more bad decisions than Donovan has made good.

Labels: Rants, Sports

You know, I still can't turn on the TV without seeing Martha Stewart's fucking face. It was bad enough during all that insider trading horseshit. But now, she's still going at it full force. With lines of products in not only KMart AND Macy's stores, her commercials are freaking EVERYWHERE. I can't escape her. I will admit, I bought a set of her sheets, but it's because they were the brand that was in the store.

I so do not care if her name is on a product line. If anything, it will make me want to shop at your store even less if I see her.

Stinking media whore.

Labels: Rants, TV

The Heroes marathon continues. The 2nd season continues on G4 and I've been watching non stop. I don't know if I can only watch one episode a week starting Monday. Hehe.

Now, if Tawny Cypress was fine, Heroes is additionally enhanced with the addition of Dania Ramirez, playing Maya, a Guatemalan girl (though she's Dominican but sounds like she's straight up from the Bronx) who's power manifest when she becomes upset. She bleeds from the eyes and everyone around her begins to die. She cannot control it and the only thing that can stop it is her twin brother Alejandro. Y'all already know how hot Dania Ramirez is. God the hot women factor alone is enough to watch this show. Although, I don't necessarily like the fact that G4 took a poll of who's hotter, comparing Hayden Panettiere to Ali Larter. Not because they're both white, but because Hayden is like 16. Grown ass men are replying "She's so much hotter". Dude, she's a child! I could understand teenage boys, but not grown-ass men. The better poll question is Who's hotter: Tawny or Dania? Nice.

I really hope that she gets away from Sylar safely so that I can see more of her. Nice.

Hiro is so adorable. He's just so hard up. He's like a little Japanese teddy bear that can't get none.

Check out the Star Trek links to Heroes. First, Sulu, then Uhura, then the guy playing Sylar, Zachary Quinto, is going to play Spock in the forthcoming Star Trek XI movie. If you look at him, he is perfect to play the part of a young Lenny Nimoy. For now, he is doing a fantastic job as a sociopath. Show creator, Tim Kring discusses on the first live post show on G4 how it started as a cpmolete and total coincidence.

Here's a thought for people who have already seen season 1. If Simone Deveaux's father (Richard Roundtree) is part of this first generation of heroes that's slowly being revealed, shouldn't she have powers too? It's seems that these powers are hereditary. So the question is...Is she really dead?

Also, did anyone else notice that when Peter Petrelli had his vision of the evacuation at the end of this week's episode, that there was a billboard of Isaac Mendez' painting depicting the Muscle Mimic girl from New Orleans (Micah's cousin) in the background? If you look even closer several of the billboards in the scene were Isaac Mendez' paintings. You think that could be a clue? Hehe.

Something I've been missing. Why do they call Mr. Bennet H.R.G.? I haven't seen any scene where they tell me what that means or even anyone in the show call him that. Maybe I just missed it. Nevermind. I just caught it on the replay of the live post show on G4 as I'm writing this post. Stands for Horned Rimmed Glasses.

A side note to G4. Please get some more commercials. I've watched a total of 24 hours of G4 in the last two weeks, and they've only ever played like the same four commercials. Do you know how annoying that is? I'm starting to see them in my dreams now. G4 is now becoming my own personal Nightmare Man. Seriously, though.

Labels: Hot Bitches, Rants, TV

Here I am on a Sunday night, backing up my files from my laptop yet again. I have to reinstall my OS because some shit I installed trashed my Wireless adapter, causing my services (services.exe) to crash every time I boot up. F-Guk! I have another three days of reinstalling software to look forward to.

What prompted me to install this crap ass software was me getting banned from allmusic.com. I needed something to disguise my IP address. I should have just went with TOR like everyone else. Instead, I went with the first thing I found on Google and tried to download a cracked version which had several trojans in it. My Anti-Virus software stripped out the trojans like it should have, but left the installer in a fucked up state. Dammit. Should have known better, but this is why I do this type of shit on MY PC.

Oh well. Maybe this time I won't install quite so much shit. I may actually have room for my music library (which is well over 45 GB) and my software to coexist on the same box. At some point, probably not until after Christmas, I will buy a new laptop with a substantially bigger hard drive. I'm going to try for 200 GB at least. I'll probably end up selling my laptop to Alan for cheap, or just giving it to someone who needs a laptop.

Labels: Rants, Technology, Web Development

This is my barely coherent, rant on tattoos and piercings in popular culture today. Feel free to sound off on this. This is just my opinion.

You know, I remember exactly when it was that tattoos became a fashion statement. It was around 1997. I remember I was a junior in high school. I was sitting in Chemistry class and Dave Lacey, a 16-year old sophomore football player came into class with a blue & gold tattoo around his bicep.

This was it. Tattoos had officially become part of popular culture. When a 16-year old's parents authorize him to get a tattoo, it's no longer tabooo.

Right around then, the popularity of body art had really exploded. Camryn Manheim (The Practice) had eighty-nine earrings in her ear, Rosanna Arquette (Pulp Fiction) had 16 various piercings. Kids wanted to follow along. Tribal tattoos, barbed wire tattoos, and nipple, eyebrow, nose, belly button, clitoral piercings and tongue studs were the latest trends in the mid-to-late nineties.

I remember there was this wannabe rebel freshman girl who was in the choir. She was a really excellent soprano. She had every chance to excel, but somehow had that mental wiring that made her sabotage everything good. She started hinting to the choir director that she wanted to get a piercing. She would drop questions like, "If I get a tongue stud, how will that affect my voice?" The response was, "If you get a tongue stud, you're out of my choir." So of course she got the stud.

Anyway, back to the point. It used to be that a tattoo was a badge of rebellion. If you were a dude and you got a tat, you were a bad ass, hands down. Before then, you only got a tattoo if you were in prison or in the Navy.

If you were a chick and you had a tattoo (which was almost unheard of), you were a total slut. Usually in the good way. If it was on your ass, you could be that librarian/secretary in public, but a wildcat behind closed doors. You know what I mean?

That's how it used to be, anyway.

In the nineties, every drunken fratboy had a barbed wire tattoo or tribal patterns. Every chick had a flower or a dolphin in the small of her back or her ankle.

Nowadays, it's out of control. Tattoos used to mean something. Whether it was a badge of honor, or a display of passion or self expression. It was something.

Today everyone and their momma has a tattoo. Kids have nothing better to do. Tattoos are nothing more than an accessory. Something to go with their Prada handbag. 10 years ago the concept of having a cuff or a sleeve was reserved for those who were truly hardcore. Today, everyone is covered in tats. It's not uncommon to see people with more ink than skin.

It's just that tats and piercings are so commonplace in the new millennium, that they've lost all value. If someone says, "I have a tattoo" Yeah, well so does everybody. There's no shock value in anything anymore.

Tats would have gotten you disowned from your family ten years ago. Today, you could sit down at the family dinner table and discuss your fresh ink. It's so commercial that there are multiple television shows around tattoos artists.

PLEASE don't get me wrong.

I'm not against tattoos or piercings. I even have a few, myself. I have a treble clef on my left bicep, which means a great deal to me. It wasn't just a whim like people get. I had been planning on getting this symbol of my passion since I was a teenager. I have three piercings in my left ear, one in my right, and I've had my right eyebrow pierced more times than I can remember.

Anyone has the right to do whatever they want with their body. It's not my place to say what anyone else should do. It's just that people are getting more and tats which mean nothing to them. just because they saw something on TV. People get Chinese writing on their necks because it's trendy.

Ordinarily, I think tattoos on a woman can be ultra sexy if done tastefully and discreetly. One or two only. Small and somewhere like an ankle or the small of the back, or even on a hip. It's kind of like a little treasure. Not a friggin' billboard across your stomach.

I was at orientation for YellowBook and there was this girl with at least four tattoos below the sleeve line and two more on her neck. No one batted an eye.

I just wonder where we'll be in another ten years. Less and less shocks us. What is left? I've gone to strip clubs and seen strippers that were literally covered in tats. I wasn't even shocked. It's not so much about the tats themselves, but about how easily people will get them and the fact that it's of little or no consequence.

I don't know. That's just my opinion. I could be wrong.

Labels: Hot Bitches, Life, Philosophizing, Pop Culture, Rants, Society, Tattoos

You know I like Hunt's pudding (affectionately referred to as Ka-Hunt's pudding) because it's cheap and it's tasty. But sometimes you get what you pay for. Other brands of pudding, like Jell-O or Swiss Miss are smooth and creamy. Hunt's shit is THINK. Seriously. I mean THICK. You could spackle walls with that shit.

It's still good, though. :)

Labels: Food, Rants

I mean, seriously. I like this movie a lot. I wouldn't say it's Scorcese's greatest work, but it's damn good.

It's now Wednesday, and I've seen this movie 7 times since it premiered on Cinemax on Saturday. There's something to be said about oversaturation. This is why I find that there's nothing on, even though I have over 300 channels of TV to watch. It's because I've seen everything that they air because they show it nine hundred times before they decide they're sick of it.

Yeesh!

Labels: Movies, Rants, TV

You know blogging has been good for me. It keeps me from writing the book I've always wanted to, I'm OK, You're OK, but that mother fucker...

If I were to write that it would be a cynical, incessant rant on the stupidity and gullibility of the American public. Truly a jaded view of the world. I would have so many pseudo-psychological theories as to why people are the way they are and how to deal with them.

At least with blogging, I get to vent in small increments. Im' a very take no prisoners kind of guy.

Oh well. Maybe someday I'll still write the book. I would probably make a mint from it. But for now, I'll just stick to this.

Labels: Blogging, Rants

So I had another employment agency interview today. This time with MacArthur Associates. They're located in Center City at 16th & Market. Basically across from City Hall.

First off, I wasn't going to drive down. It would be a complete waste of gas. The only place to park is right on Market Street in front of a building; good luck with that, or in a parking garage which is going to cost an exorbitent amount of money. If I were going to work in Philadelphia, it would cost like $22 a day. That's like $5,200 a year just for parking.

So what's my alternative? SEPTA. FUCK!!!

I'd have to drive to Bridgeport or Norristown which would take at least a half-hour without traffic. Then get on the train which would also cost an obscene amount of money. With SEPTA gouging prices and now they're doing away with transfers, it would cost $3.10 to get on the Rt. 100 to 69th St. and transfer to the El (Market/Frankford Line) each way. During peak hours that would take at least another hour and a half.

That's just the bitching part of this rant.

OK so on the way down on the Rt. 100, this loud ass heffer on her cell phone was cussin' her ass off on her cell phone. Ignorant cooz, don't you know you're disturbing everyone on the train? Don't nobody wanna hear that shit. Shut the fuck up!

The rest of the passengers and I were just shooting each other looks like, "This heffer..." On the plus side, I got to share some eye contact with some good-lookin' honeys. There was this one that was a nurse wearing green scubs. Mmm. There's just something about nurses. There was also this one in a pink top that was just bangin'.

There was also this little 17-year old eyeballin' me like a piece of steak. Baby, I'm flattered. Your little ass is cute, but you don't got nothin' I want. I mean damn, in my interview gear I look good. Damn good. So fresh, so clean. Meaner than a broke-dick dog in fact. Got to beat 'em off with a stick.

OK, so now I'm down at 69th St. Damn. I forgot about the fucking El construction, so Market Street is closed from 69th St. to 40th St. There are damn shuttle buses that herd us in like so much cattle and move ever so slowly through West Philly traffic. Then you leave the buses and move underground to take the rest of the El at high speed. You ever wonder why the Elevated Train goes underground?

Anyway, after a 2 hour commute, I had a rinky dink 25 minute meeting then had to go right back. Well I wasn't ready to endure mass transit for another 2 hours just yet. So I walked around Center City for a little bit. Right around City Hall and Love Park is a great place to just people watch. On days I would go downtown, on my lunch breaks, I would sit in the courtyard of the Centre Square bulding and just people watch for hours. Yes, hours. On a good day, you see so many honeys go by.

Repeat commute in reverse. Only this time, When the El shuttle dropped my off, I decided to take myself a little smoke break. I'm just standing there minding my own business. And this orca of a dude just walks up and start a conversation.

OK. It must be me. I must have the face that draws in the crazies. To look at this dude you might think he was perfectly normal. Just some average blue-collar worker. When he approached me, I thought he wanted a cigarette or something. I don't exactly know what he was saying to me. Something about how some lowlife brotha was beating on his sister and if he called the sheriffs, they'd take his house away. And you know, the women don't like it when they don't have no place to live.

Now because I'm not a complete and total dick, on the outside, I was just smiling and nodding, "Yeah, you're right. No, they don't like that." I was very nice to him. :|

On the inside, I was screaming, "Will you get the fuck away from me?!?!? Take your retarded ass on down the road! Seriously, move the fuck on!" Maybe because I was in a suit, he thought I was his caseworker or something.

Eventually he moved on, still kind of muttering to himself. I took a couple more minutes and finished my cigarette. I moved through the concourse and got on the Rt. 100 to head back towards Bridgeport. Guess who's on the damn train? My new buddy, sitting right at the front of the car with an open seat right behind him. Dammit! Needless to say, I quickly grabbed a seat near the back of the car and prayed he never turned around for fear he might start another conversation.

So, 4 hours on mass transit and a blown afternoon later, people still wonder why I don't want to work in Philadelphia. Oh, and did I mention the city wage tax?

Labels: Job Hunting, Rants, Work

It just makes me laugh sometimes how technology is so well integrated into popular culture today. I was watching TV the other day and the commercial for the new episode of Psych on USA, featuring Lou Diamond Phillips came on.

He just blythely leans in to someone and says, "So, do you have a MySpace page or something?"

Has MySpace become the new substitute for getting digits? Did I miss this memo? Phenomenons like MySpace and Friendster and blogging in general have become so pervasive to modern society. So prolific that it's difficult to imagine a kid surviving without the ability to text his buddy in the next room.

Have I gotten so old that I think all of this is just silly?
Oh, yeah. BTW - Check out MY MySpace page

Labels: Comedy, Pop Culture, Rants, Society, Technology, TV

OK, so the 4th sucked ass this year. Not because anything bad happened, but because nothing at all happened.

First, it was rainy and miserable all day. My allergies were killing me. My eyes were nearly swollen shut and they burned and itched all day.

We were planning to have a cookout, but with my father just coming home from the hospital, we decided that it would be in poor taste. Since he's staying with me, I was just going to barbecue for just me and him. Unfortunately with a bleeding ulcer, red meat, spices, and tomato products are kind of out of the question.

I didn't feel like firing up the grill in the rain for just myself, so I bagged that idea.

The rain got worse later on in the evening. I can't believe Phoenixville was going to try to do a fireworks show in a thunderstorm, but you could hear off in the distance, someone was setting them off. Couldn't even see them from my deck, and if you could, they fizzed out on the way up in the rain.

At least I got the day off from work. Suck-ass holiday. :)

Labels: Food, Rants

Jee-zus! It's hot in here!

My air conditioning went on the fritz last night. My dad, who likes it a little warm [cold-blooded leezard that he is :) ] hadn't had it on all day. When I came home from work it was a tad warm, so I kicked on the air.

A couple hours later, I hadn't really noticed that it hadn't gotten much cooler in the house. A little, but not much. I guess just because the sun went down. I just kept walking around the house shouting, "It's HOT up this bitch!" I took a shower and got ready to go see Transformers.

When I left the house, it was reasonably moderate outside. Mid 70's at 10:00 at night. Not terrible. I figured when I get back, the house will probably be refrigerated. I figured if it got too cold for my dad, he'd turn the A/C off.

I got back home at about 1:15 AM. It was in the high fifties to mid-sixties outside. Very pleasant.

Inside the house, however, it was a totally different story. I walked in the door and literally hit a wall of HEAT. Fuck! It was 85 degrees in the house at least. The air conditioning was blowing HOT air into the house. I looked at the thermostat and it was off the scale!

My poor dad was just sitting on my couch, stripped down to his skivies, drenched in sweat, asking, "Is it hot in here?" Holy shit!

Turns out that about once a year, when it gets really hot and humid, my A/C unit will develop frost, yes frost, on the sensor and it will be fooled into thinking it's cold outside, not hot.

F-Guk!

Labels: Household, Rants

More than meets the eye!

Saw the Transformers movie last night. Two words...AWE-SOME!

You know when Michael Bay is attached to a movie, it ain't gonna be no Jerry Maguire. It's gonna have explosions and car chases and violence. You don't go see this kind of movie for its dramatic cinematic content or engaging plotlines. Let me tell ya. Transformers did not disappoint.

I went to the 10:40 showing in Oaks. I wanted to go to a midnight show, but there weren't any around. I go to midnight shows for movies like this because I hate sitting in a theater with 4,000 nine-year olds. I want to be able to curse and yell at the screen without having to worry if I'm pissing some angry soccer mom off. At midnight shows, there are people my age, who do the same thing and it enhances the movie experience, not ruins it. 10:40 would suffice. It's past their bedtimes.

You ever have one of those moments where you say to yourself, "I didn't just see that"? I did. I'm in the concession line buying nachos and out of the corner of my eye I see a guy walk past. Since what I saw, my brain couldn't interpret, I just dismissed it...until I saw him walk by again. I saw a dude that came to the theater decked out in a homemade Optimus Prime costume, composed entirely of beer cases. This dork had duct taped empty Budweiser packaging around his body and head and actually left the house like that. I'm not sure but I don't think there were any Drunkicons in the movie. I gotta give him credit, though. For a stupid idea, it was pretty ingenious. I could tell this was going to be fun.

Cut to theater interior.

I stake myself out a little spot in the middle of the theater and get comfortable with my $6.00 nachos and the bottled water I snuck in my pocket. (I'm not going to pay $4.00 for a bottle of water.) I came in mid-trailers. I saw the one for the new Adam Sandler/Kevin James movie, I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry. Good God Jessica Biel's got a hot body. She strips down to her underwear and jiggles around a little bit. Man I gotta find video of that.

Anyway...

[Spoiler Alert! (but nod bad)]



The cool part about this movie is the perspective. Nowhere ever in the cartoon did they deal with the human response to the Transformers. It was always Autobot vs. Decepticon and maybe save some humans. In the movie, it's more about governmental response, terror threats, keeping it quiet, & military response. Very much a What the fuck!?! factor.

Car chases, explosions, guns, violence, dogfights, aliens, robots, a bigass battle in the middle of a city with billions of dollars in collateral damage; what more could one ask? Transformers was awesome.

OK, now it's bitch time. The bitching is numerous, but insignificant.

First, the Beetle thing. If you read above, you found out that in the movie Bumble Bee transformed into a Camaro instead of a VW Beetle. Nerd purists would say that's disingenuous. I agree, but you know what? You can't get the new hotness with a fucking '08 bug. Did you see that Camaro concept car? Damn that's hot!

Second, General Motors is a total whore. Just like the latter movies of the Matrix trilogy, every vehicle, save for two or three in the movie was a GM car. Chevy's, GMC's, Pontiacs, Saturns, Hummers, and Saabs permeate the movie. Barricade was a Ford/Saleen Mustang. There were a couple of Crown Vics used as cop cars and taxis (Of course, not without the appropriate sprinkling of Impalas as cop cars). Optimus Prime was a Freightliner, but that's because GM don't make 18-wheelers.

For me, they did a great job on the special effects in general. However the Transformers themselves could have used some work. In many cases I though they were TOO detailed. I'm sure almost everyone will disagree with me. I think they put way too much time and effort into giving the robots detail. So much so that your eye couldn't focus in and absorb any of those details. The just became a mess of machinery. In addition, every last one of the Decepticons was gray. That made them almost indistinguishable. Starscream and Megatron stood next to each other and I couldn't tell them apart. Also everyone had round eyes and mouths. A number of Transformers originally had masks over their mouths. I read that it was so the animators could make them emote more. I don't know, it just seemed wrong to me.

When it comes to the eye absorbing detail, the digital camerawork was too fast. This is where a good DP (that's Director of Photography for you neophytes) earns their stripes. With so much detail for the eye to absorb, the camera should slow down a bit. Things happen so fast that the eye can't perceive it, so the brain can't absorb it. This causes the effect of, "Damn, that looked cool, but what the fuck just happened?" Two Transformers fighting just becomes a blur and one of them ends up fragged in the end.

More bitching...

OK, this series of bitching is about cartoon-to-movie continuity. You read about the Bumble Bee thing already. In reading this article on Wikipedia, it is indicated that they wrote in more Decepticons than Autobots to add a greater element of terror. OK, but why did they use so many 2nd generation Decepticon characters, when they only use a handful of 1st generation Autobots? Most of these characters were never in the original ark. The Autobots were outnumbered 8 (at least) to 5. Scorponok was one of the city-sized Transformers, not introduced for years after the show was aired. Barricade and Blackout even later. Bonecrusher was one of the Contructicons, introduced in the second season. All 5 of the Constructicons joined to form a giant robot called Devastator, who is now a separate individual and also an M1 Tank. Frenzy was one of the tiny cassette Decepticons (remember cassettes?), brother in arms with Rumble, Ravage, and Laserbeak, all minions of Soundwave, who transformed into a cassette recorder. In the movie, they took away Frenzy's pile-driving capability, combined him with Soundwave's transformation, and made his robot form look really weird. And by the way, why did they make him a GPX boombox? Why did they have to make him the cheapest, most generic, Toys 'R' Us brand boombox they could find? Oh that's right. Product placement.

Autobots	Decepticons
Optimus Prime - Peterbilt 18-wheeler Bumble Bee - '74 Chevy Camaro/'09 Chevy Camaro Concept Jazz - Pontiac Solstice Ironhide - GMC Topkick Ratchet - Hummer H2 (Modified Search & Rescue)	Megatron - Cybertronian "Jet" Starscream - Lockheed/Martin F-22 Raptor Frenzy - GPX Boombox Barricade - '09 Ford/Saleen Mustang Blackout - Sekorsky Pave Low helicopter Scorponok - Scorpion robot Bonecrusher - Construction Vehicle Devastator - M1 Abrams Tank

Anyway...

I'm done bitching now. Get out and go see this movie. Forget all that shit I said. It's still a fun fucking time for any child of the eighties. Oh yeah, and the girl in this movie, Megan Fox...not bad.

Transformers rates a 9.5/10 (4 1/2 stars/5) in my book. Well worth the price of admission.

Oh, yeah. And wouldn't you know it? The movie's over, I'm leaving the theater, and I see that same guy with the beer case costume. Only he's got a gaggle of friends, ALL of whom are Drunkicons. I just had to laugh.

Labels: Geekdom, Movies, Rants, TV

OK, I had been ever hesitant to write about this subject, but this is enough!

So, as some of you know, I had been seeing this stripper. You will recall reading about it in my December 2006 blog entry titled, "Out with Jade".

God she was amazing. But she drove me frikkin nuts. I knew the risks getting involved with a stripper from the start. I chose to do it anyway as an altruistic gesture. I wanted to help put her life back together. There were many things that (I won't go into detail here, because that's her personal business) she needed help with. She sincerely wanted to get out of the life and become a productive member of society.

The first month together was beautiful. God it was a love fest. We would spend hours just talking. There was this diner that we used to go to every night. We would stay there till 6 in the morning some nights. We would watch movies together and go shopping and act a fool in the Giant together. I was intoxicated by this girl. Everyone said we were such a cute couple.

I had always remained somewhat skeptical about us, though. I mean, what the hell is this fine-ass girl doing with the likes of me? I was always cautious of if she was playing me for my money. So of course, yes, I was giving her money. But money always for a purpose, not to spend frivolously. I helped her get her car fixed. I helped her get an apartment that she could afford. I helped her find a 9-5 gig. I helped her with her child. I "helped" her so much, that I damn near went broke myself. It takes a lot to start a life from scratch. I never ever got the sense that she was actively playing me for my money. I mean, let's be real. There's easier and quicker ways for a stripper to get all my money, you know? I gave a lot of myself so that this girl could have her second chance at a life that everyone dreams about.

OK, so now we're into the second month (February), and I'm effectively living with this girl. This month was a complete mirror image of the first. There was so much that I did for her that went unappreciated. I'll just leave it at that. There were too many things to enumerate. The arguments that made no sense. The needless fights. I had reached my breaking point. I grabbed only the shit that was important to me from her apartment (my laptop, my cell phone, a couple of DVD's) and I was out. I had enough. I didn't even care about the stuff that I left behind. Furniture, TV, Playstation(s). I was that fed up. I couldn't take the emotional roller coaster anymore.

This relationship was bad for me. I was helping her, but way at the expense of myself. There was a saying that I always used to say to her, "If it ain't good for you, and it ain't good to you, there's no reason you should be doing it." I had always used the fact that I was helping her put together a life to keep that from applying to me. I had really lowered my threshold, but there was only so much I could take.

I left that night, and I was alright if I would never see her again. We had a big fight, she threw things, but ultimately, I was gone. Just to mark the date, this was March 3rd. Remember this date.

After a couple of days, she had gotten a hold of a cell phone and started calling me incessantly. I would ignore all calls coming in. She would call me every day about 4 times a day. She would leave me different voicemail messages. Some were "Please come back.", some were "I miss you", some were "I love you", and some were "This is childish how you're not speaking to me". She would even get her friends to call me and leave voicemails. I deleted them. Why? Because in absolutely none of those messages were the words, "I'm sorry."

Let me explain some of this, because it makes me sound like a dick for not speaking to her. This girl never took responsibility for her own actions. It was never her own fault. It was always someone else's. This girl had never developed an emotional maturity past age 16. Everything I tried to do for her, she reacted like a 16-year old. She rebelled against everything that would have made sense to an adult. In this role, I became Daddy, the father that she never had. First, I'm not anybody's daddy. Second I'm certainly not a grown woman's daddy. The only thing that she understands is to be treated like a 16-year old, so that's what I did. I never picked up the phone when she called. Not once.

I figured she'd get the hint that I was through after a while. I wanted nothing further to do with her. I genuinely didn't care that she didn't have money, or that her rent was due. Yes, I felt guilty, but I could not sacrifice any more of myself. She had blown a good thing.

So this calling every day thing went on for about another month. That takes us through the end of March. There were times when I wouldn't receive a call for a couple of days and I though she got the hint. No such luck.

So now it's April and the call frequency had gotten smaller, but nevertheless, SHE'S STILL CALLING! Now she only calls on the weekends. Oy vey! I can't take any more of this. I changed my cell phone number. That should put an end to it.

You would think. Evidently she got a hold of my home phone number, which I didn't even have a land line when I was seeing her. I guess I should have made the number unpublished when I signed up for service with Verizon. Not ten days after I change my cell phone number, I get a voicemail on my home phone. Guess who.

So now we're up to May. She's taken only to calling around the 1st of the month. Gee, I wonder why. The money well has dried up. Bear in mind, I haven't seen or spoken to her since the night I left...in March! Around June 1st, when she called, I had developed a theory. Let's see if she only calls around the 1st of the month. Sure enough...

I get a call this morning at 6AM! I recognize the number on the caller ID. It's her! I hear the voicemail. "Oh, hey. It's me. Just wanted to see if you were up. Call me. Bye"

Un-fucking-believable!

All casual and shit. Just like, "Hey". Do you believe this bullshit!?!?

That was the last straw. I don't need this bullshit. Especially with my father in the hospital and shit. I'm changing my home phone number, and having it unlisted just as soon as I pay my bill. I can't believe how long this has gone on. It's damn near JULY! Why doesn't this girl get the message? It's like every time I start thinking about moving on with my life and going out again, dammit, she shows back up. I can't have her looming over my head anymore. I have to excise her entirely from my life.

Some would say, you play with fire, you're going to get burned. I had always kept the hope that I could change her because she wanted to be changed. I see now that there's just no hope for her. I wish there was something more I could do for her, but there's little I can do other than making sure she sees a mental health professional.

I would like to personally thank bloggers Mike I. and Derrick W. for their advice and their experiences in this type of situation. They, among others, warned me. Even though I knew what I was getting into, avoiding getting played, I got played in other ways.

My mother has a saying, "Sometimes, the juice ain't worth the squeeze."
My father has a saying, "Sometimes, the fucking you're getting, ain't worth the fucking you're getting."

Labels: Dating, Hot Bitches, Rants, Strip clubs

You know, I found this game in a pawn shop in Norristown a few years ago and never actually played it. Hey it was like $2.

I recently dusted off the old GameCube and hooked it up to the HD so I decided to give it a whirl. Here's my review.

I have been playing Star Wars: Rogue Squadron since its inception on the Nintendo N64. Rogue Squadron II was the sole motivating factor for me purchasing a GameCube. I saw the graphics on that thing and nearly grizzed my pants. I used to play that game religiously. I would leave it on during the day while I was at work so I could come home and jump right back into gameplay. So you can imagine the expectations I had for Rogue Squdron III: Rebel Strike.

All I have to say is...

...ehh

That's right, a resounding indifference. Where to begin? OK, let's start with gameplay.

The flight controls are relatively similar to the previous version. Not much is different. They've made spaceflight a touch smoother, but not so the average gamer would notice. For example, the A-Wings, although there are very few missions featuring them are much easier to control at both low and high speeds. Switching to and from bombing mode in the Y-Wings is not quite so jarring as the last version. Finally, the 3rd-person POV camera no longer zooms so far out when you're being chased that you lose sight of the craft you're controlling, allowing you to focus on actually avoiding being hit instead of on repositioning the camera.

The HUD (heads-up display) has some improvements and some drawbacks as well. One improvement is adding pitch indicators on the radar. The previous game's 3-D model left something to be desired in terms of which way to go when interpreting the radar during gameplay. Having a 2-D radar in a 3-D game presented kind of a problem when the only other visual indicators you have for acquiring a target were usually the black backdrop of space and a starfix. "Which way is up?", literally. I can't imagine how actual astronauts orient themselves. A drawback in the new HUD is adding the acquisition marker into the field of vision. When new objectives are discovered, the marker appears in the center of the screen, not long enough to interpret which way the game intends for you to go. After a few seconds it moves to its usual place on the radar screen. Simply put, it's just frigging distracting. Sometimes during gameplay the targeting reticule actually gets in the way of seeing what's right in front of you.

The addition of speeder bikes into the game is a great improvement. In the last game, I loved those missions that required you to Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive, & Dodge. Now try that at full throttle through the forest of Endor with Scout Troopers all over your ass. Beautiful! They also added using captured Imperial AT-ST's and AT-AT's for some extra firepower and kick-assitude.

What was entirely a pilot game, now includes several 3rd-person shooter segments. 3PS missions include landing your craft and fighting on foot, rescue missions, and infiltration. In my opinion LucasArts could have left this out of the game entirely. The graphics blow and the combat is cheesy. The camera somtimes shifts to an angle which makes it impossible to see which way you are going or which way you are supposed to go. If I'm supposed to move forward, why is the camera directly above my head, looking down so that I can't see what's in front of me? And trust me, the radar doesn't help. If the camera is overhead and my character is facing southwest, and my objective is to the east, which way to I move the stick? Sometimes you have to jump on what's called an E-Web gun (which by the way is a stupid name for a gun). You have to constantly fight with this gun to aim it. Like it's spring-loaded and constantly trying to center itself. Gawd. My advice is just get through these missions as fast as possible. There aren't many and they're relatively easy, thankfully.

The storyline of the game is convoluded and unclear. In the previous game, you played missions chronlogically between Episodes IV and VI. When you finished one mission, you progressed to the next mission in the sequence. In this one, there is a selection of the next mission, ultimately choosing the character's storyline. If you don't know this, it is not obvious until you have completed the game in one possible storyline and you're left wondering why there aren't more levels. There are, you just missed them.

Overall, the game is too easy. I shouldn't have been able to beat the game in under a day of gameplay, even if I didn't know what I was doing from the last game. I would have wished for more missions for more gameplay.

This game rates a C--, 2 stars out of 5. Positives are additional levels, improved flight controls, new story, and new vehicles. Negatives are the 3rd-person shooter, limited gamplay time, and decreased 3-D logic. If you're a fanboy, go buy this game, but don't pay retail. (That is, if you're even still playing the GameCube) I'm sure you could find this game in a pawn shop or yrad sale or used bin somewhere.

Here is another review of this game.

Labels: Games, Rants, Star Wars

You know I saw that sunnuvabitch who kicked his kid again at the O'Grady's. I didn't start any shit this time. I noticed that the staff seated him far away from us (and everyone else). I guess they can't really refuse service to anyone, but it was clear that they got the preferential seating (in the back by the kitchen). Hehe. That's what you get. Bastard.

Labels: Rants

So I just saw "The World's Fastest Man", Michael Johnson in a Coors Light commercial. Granted the man was a fantastic athlete 12 years ago. Truly the height of talent, but why the hell do we need to see him now? I'm sure he's not competing in anything right now, so why is he now the new Coors Light spokesman? Couldn't they get anyone better (more contemporary) to shill for their warm-piss-tasting beer?

I guess everybody's gotta pay the rent.

Labels: Advertising, Rants, TV

Last night at about 11:30 I was having a HUUUUGE donut jones. I actually submitted to my own greed and went out to Dunkin to get a dozen. I drove to Dunkin walked in the door and the Paki mopping the floor inside told me there were NO DONUTS!

What!?!

Sure enough, I stepped up to the counter and he didn't have a single donut in the store. I just looked at him incredulously like, "How is this Dunkin Donuts, and you don't have any donuts!?!" He told me "We will have some donuts maybe around midnight."

Labels: Philosophizing, Rants

It took me almost a week to write this, because every time I think about it, it enrages me.

I'm taking my mom to breakfast at the local O'Grady's which is now becoming our weekend ritual. We have our food and we're chatting away. We see this family of four (husband, wife, and two small children - boy & girl) pull up in the parking lot. From our window seat we watch them pile out of the car, a happy little nuclear family unit.

The mood quickly changed when we both saw Daddy lift up his foot and KICK the little girl as she was getting out of the car.

Let me say that again.



The first time he kicked her, we just looked at each other in disbelief. We said to each other, "Did he just kick that little girl?" We looked back over at their car to see if what we had suspected was true, only to see him lift up his foot and try to punt her her again.

What a fucking scumbag!

All we could see was that little girl just standing in the middle of the parking lot crying her poor little eyes out. I was twitching in my seat resisting the urge to run out there and kick the living shit out of this guy.

They came into the restaurant. I couldn't believe it. I had to swallow a lot of anger. I got up as he walked by. My intention was to shoulder-check him as he walked by and talk some shit. "Real tough guy. Kick a little fucking girl." I was going to let that be the end of it because I knew if I did anything to this guy, I'd be the one they'd be taking out in handcuffs. This guy was tall and skinny so I missed him as I tried to bump him. But there was no escaping the shit I spat.

I got up in his face. He actually had the nerve to try and defend what he did. "I don't need you to discipline me!" he said. Aw, I lost it. I jumped right in his shit. He looked at me like, "Yeah, what!" I looked back at him like, "Really? Do you really want to do this? Are you sure? You'd better be." There was a point where I could see in his eyes the look of, "Oh, God. I've made a terrible mistake trying to stand up to this large man. That was probably the only thing that saved his life at that point. I eased down and walked away mere milliseconds before I did what I really wanted to, which was snatch this guy by his throat and punt him across the parking lot. Maybe shitting blood for a week would make him think twice before hitting a little girl again.

A gentleman in the adjacent window booth had seen the kicking incident and had offered his assistance in beating this guy's ass, had the shit went down. It was good to know that I would have had some support; that there were people out there decent enough to stand up for a stranger.

We paid for our food and left immediately. I was so tense driving back through Phoenixville that I was twitching. My knuckles where white from gripping the steering wheel so hard. I had to pull over and smoke a butt just to calm my nerves down.

What kind of a man are you that you would even conceive to kick a little girl? Fucking coward. She couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. What could a defenseless 5-year old do to you that would warrant you lifting your foot off the ground and trying to David Akers your own daughter? Something tells me that this type of abuse was not the first time, either. His wife, complicit enabler that she is, just stood there and comforted HIM! "It's going to be all right. It's OK." What kind of mother are you? He probably beats you, too.

I tell you what. Don't let that be a black woman watching her child get kicked. Your ass would be in the hospital THE FIRST time you tried that shit. I was surprised at my own mother's restraint watching this. I think this guy should really be thanking me. If I hadn't jumped up in his face, she would have and she would not have backed down.

To the fine people at O'Grady's Restaurant, both patrons and staff, I apologize for causing a scene. It is truly uncharacteristic of me to do so, but some things, you just can't let go.

Please comment on this topic if you have an opinion. Child abuse is a serious topic and if people don't stand up to abusers, it will never stop.

Labels: Rants

Somebody explain this to me.

I don't know if you already know what NuvaRing is, but put simply it's a birth control device.

One of the dislosed warnings to users of the NuvaRing is, "If you are already pregnant, you should not use NuvaRing."

Excuse me, but if you're already pregnant, isn't it a touch late to be thinking about birth control?

Labels: Rants, TV

You know, if Domino's Pizza were any good, they wouldn't need to hawk fucking brownies with their pizza.

And isn't that the kid from The Nanny delivering the pizza? I was pretty sure you needed work after that, but damn.

Link to the commercial on YouTube

I will give them credit for this, though. I am ashamed to admit this, but I have been having the Brooklyn-style pizzas and they're not bad. Kind of tasty in fact. I'm kind of sick of them now. (Partially because the delivery guy can't fucking count. My bill was like $21 and I handed him two $20 bills. The guy had a fucking meltdown.) I don't know what's different about them, but they aren't Domino's typical nasty fare. I'm sure whatever is different about them won't last and will return to being nasty.

Labels: Advertising, Rants, TV

If people would just do what I tell them and stop arguing with me, life would work out much better.

Believe me, I don't speak unless I know what the hell I'm talking about. So whe I DO open my mouth, shut the fuck up and listen!

Wouldn't you rather listen to the guy who is right 99% of the time instead of arguing with him and getting proven wrong anyway?

Most people fucking argue with me because they think I'm so young that I don't know what I'm talking about. "Young punk. Can't tell me nuthin."

Yeah, but you look real stupid when you got proven wrong by the young punk. Doesn't it bruise your ego less when you just listen, do it right, and don't look like an ass, than when you start an argument in front of people, make EVERYONE look bad, and now the fact that you were so blatantly wrong is exposed?

Labels: Philosophizing, Rants

Happy birthday to me. :S

We pushed my birthday BBQ back to Sunday, the 3^rd, because Hurricane Ernesto was coming up the coast. It's hard to get those coals lit when the grill is floating down the street.

I wake up around 9 this morning to the smell of eggs and grits. Yay. My mother is making breakfast. I saunter into the kitchen, only to see one damn plate of food, being scurried away and eaten. All I see is an empty stove and the only thing my mother has to say to me is, "Watch the burners, they're hot"

DAMN :| WTF!?!

Here it is, my birthday, and I can't even get a birthday breakfast. That's some cold shit.

So I lay down on the couch and just watch her eat her breakfast and sip her coffeee. The next thing she says to me is, "You have chores to do."

I am Jack's enraged sphincter.

After about another five minutes, she takes a breath from scarfing down eggs & grits long enough to wonder why I'm not eating any breakfast, and blythely states, "There's plenty of cereal in there."

I am Jack's twitching eye.

HELLO!?!?!!? WTF!!?!

So finally after about a half-hour, I casually mention that IT'S MY FRIKKIN' BIRTHDAY!!! Folks, if you could have seen the look on her face as she realized that she forgot it was my birthday...it was PRICELESS!

You know, senile dementia must be fun. We both had a good laugh at how she forgot it was my birthday in the time it took her to walk from the top of the stairs to the bottom step (which nowadays is considerable) and how she just gagged me out of breakfast.


So how did I get gagged twice, you ask?

Shortly thereafter, I leave to start running errands for the BBQ tomorrow. She left relatively the same time to run her own errands. I had to run to the liquor store and the beer distributor. I stopped at McDonald's (for obvious reasons) to get a breakfsat sandwich. I didn't feel like eating it in the car, so I brought it home to eat when I was through with my runs.

She gets back from the grocery store before I have a chance to eat my sandwich, which means I have to sprint up from whatever I may be doing, and unload and put away the groceries and supplies.

I put away all the shit while she sits in the bigass lounge chair and recuperates. Because, you know, grocery shopping is such tiring work. Now that I've put the shit away, do I have a chance to sit down and have some breakfast. Don't forget. It's still my birthday. I'm ready to eat my sandwich and I hear, "Oh, I'm so starving. Can I have whatever that is?"

I am Jack's burst ocular blood vessel.

SUNNUVABITCH!!!!!!


I'm not actually mad because it's so funny, but that's some effed up stuff, man.

Labels: Rants

I didn't get my Venture Bros. fix tonight. Instead they showed a rerun of the Season 2 premiere. Although I watched it and it was funny as hell, I expeted a new episode. It's too early in the season to be pulling this type of crap. I think we're only like three or four weeks in.

Adult Swim: Please don't let this turn out to be another Lost: Season 2, where I completely lose interest because you won't show new episodes with any consistency.

Labels: Rants, TV

Someone tell me why a bloody TIRE needs a music video.

Labels: Rants, TV

Adult Swim has started showing Pee-Wee's Playhouse in the 11:00 PM timeslot.

I remember being an avid fan of Pee-Wee's playhouse. I would watch it every Saturday morning. I was 8, dammit!

I tried to watch one episode of that dreck last night. I'm not sure, but I think I experienced a stroke. All I have to say is that must be some good shit.

A brief analysis:

Labels: Rants, TV

Venture Bros.: Best show EVER!

Cartoon Network needs to stop screwing around and put Adult Swim on OnDemand® so I can watch Venture Bros. and the Oblongs whenever I want.

Labels: Rants, TV